Jesus tells the man to "[g]o home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you and how he has had mercy on you." Mark 5:18-20
Happy 2011 -
I am hugely redundant in my prayer requests. For the last year one of my most frequent requests has been: "God, do you really want me to write down all the miraculous, irrefutable, loving things you have done for me and my family?" Of course, the answer to the riddle lies in my question...and in the Bible. Last week when I was reading to my daughter out of her new "specially-designed-for-tween-girls" Christmas Bible (yes, there really are such things and it is fabulous), I opened her Bible to the story that includes the above verse. Well, I took action. I am taking a class specifically about designing and writing memoirs this winter at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis. So, if you would pray for me that would be fabulous. The class is at night - Thursday nights - and I hate driving at night, especially in snow and darkness. So, an early Spring would be wonderful.
My project isn't just about Jonathan; although his life is the catalyst for the story. It is more about how God has worked in my life, my kids lives, Craig's life and, of course, Jonathan's life. I have read a lot of blogs, poems, short stories and long books about children with disabilities in the last year-and-a-half and I am certain that is not what God is calling me to write. Jonathan is a sweet, energetic, joyful little boy who has completed our family and filled us with a happiness that is indescribable. But, the joy he brings isn't because he has Down Syndrome; it is because he is...Jonathan. Jonathan is a brown-haired, one-year-old boy who happens to have a diagnosis of Down Syndrome. I want him to grow up in a world where people love him first, and don't get distracted by his disability.
Recently, my aunt forwarded me a poem commonly circulated to families who have a child with Down Syndrome called "Welcome to Holland." I first read this poem the day after Jonathan was born. That day I was annoyed to receive it because I was not convinced Jonathan even had Down Syndrome. The poem is beautiful though and it's author a blessing to thousands of parents who have been comforted by her words. When I read the poem a week ago the first few verses caused me to cry because the author painfully describes the feelings a parent goes thru upon their child's diagnosis...and I believe they are true for most people in this situation. But, that is where my trip and the author's trip part. Now, I have to disclose that Italy is my favorite place in the world...I don't know much about Holland...I'm sure it is lovely as well. But...Italy. The author basically tells parents whose baby has Down Syndrome that they won't be going to fast-paced Italy now...gotta go to Holland. Well...I can already tell that Jonathan wants to go to Italy. God has blessed and gifted and healed him and he will not be happy with a slow trip thru Holland, or any other slow-paced venue.
This leads me to the other part of my book project and my second-most redundant prayer: "God, please open the hearts of your people to see Jonathan as a vibrant young boy of unsurpassable worth. Remind them that You died for him just as you died for Mother Teresa, Billy Graham and them. Lord, start a fire in their hearts that compels them to start seeing everyone in your Kingdom as equals. Lord, let your church take the lead in including people with disabilities in all ministries, including Christian schools. Please God, impress upon your believers to pray for patience, understanding, wisdom and kindness as they meet children who have a disability. God, teach them that maybe it is not the child who has a disability that has the barrier to learning or behavior; but the rest of us with a barrier of compassion. Reveal to us where the real disabling condition lies."
So, my book is also about changing hearts. I want Jonathan to be able to experience everything God has equipped him to enjoy...even Italy. Especially Italy!
Jill
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A Christmas Story
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Merry Christmas everyone -
It is the first day of December and our home is filled with excitement. We put up the tree this weekend and now Jonathan spends his days trying to take it down. I am pretty sure the bottom third will be thread-bare by December 25th.
I pulled out our collection of Christmas stories on Sunday and came across my favorite story of all time...well other than the story of Jesus birth. And actually, come to think of it, this really isn't a Christmas story...but is in our Christmas storybook. No matter how hard I bite my cheek and hold my breath, I cry every time I read this story. Abigail, Luke and Marie just laugh - they know it's coming. I have tried to explain to them why...but they don't get it...yet.
It is a beautiful story about God's glorious plan for each of lives. It means more to me now because I am discerning God's plan for my life and could not be more different, more joyful, more satisfying than anything I ever dreamed up on my own. I was home in Davenport, Iowa for Thanksgiving last week and looking back to the beginnings of my life was humbling and filled with me with gratitude to my Lord. I am so thankful for everything God has given me, thankful He never gave up on me, thankful that He has a plan for my life that I didn't need to come up with on my own. Anyway, here is the fabulous story.
The Legend of the Three Trees
Author Unknown
Life burst into the world on the third day of Creation. From under the water, God brought forth the earth. Peeking up through the earth's soil, green plants waved like millions of tiny flags. Grasses, bushes, and trees grew into every size and shape.
The trees towered above all. There were pine trees and poplar, olive and oak, willow and walnut. Each held its own seeds and fruits. Their seeds and fruits scattered as animals carried them from the trees. In a green valley a fox dropped an olive. From that olive, a new olive tree with beautiful wood began to grow.
Along a rocky shoreline, a stork dropped an acorn into a deep crack. From that acorn, a great oak began to grow. High on a mountainside, a clumsy goat knocked a log into a tree. The crash sent pine cones and their seeds spinning to the ground. From one of those seeds, a new pine tree began to grow.
Each of these trees had great dreams of what it would become.
The olive tree hoped that its beautiful wood could become a treasure chest. Decorated with sparkling jewels, it would hold the greatest treasure in the world. The oak hoped to became a mighty ship. Strong and proud it would carry kings and queens across the waters. The tall, majestic pine hoped that its towering branches would remind people of the glory of God's Creation. It dreamed that it would always stay on the mountain and point people to God.
Many years passed. The trees' dreams had not come true. The olive tree had become a simple manger for feeding animals. The mighty oak's wood was made into a little fishing boat. And the great pine fell in a storm and lay in a heap of old lumber.
But God had Hos own plan for each of the trees.
One night, shepherd's keeping watch over their flock saw an angel. The angel told them not to be afraid, for their Savior had been born and was lying in a manger in Bethlehem. The olive tree had not become a treasure chest, but now, as a manger, it held the greatest treasure of all time - Jesus.
The infant Jesus grew into a man and traveled to the very lake that held the oak fishing boat. One day the boat carried Jesus and the fisherman on to the lake. A great storm swept over the lake. "Quiet! Be still," Jesus said. The storm stopped. The boat had never carried a king of this world, but now it carried the King of Kings.
One day soldiers came for the forgotten pine. From that pine's trunk they made a cross and placed Jesus on it. That day, Jesus died on the cross to take away the sins of all who believe in him.
Sometimes the dreams that we have for ourselves are much smaller than the dreams God has for us. The three trees dreams came true, just not in the way they imagined. And so it is with us. For if we follow God's path, we will travel far beyond even our greatest dreams.
Hope you enjoyed the story -
Jill
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Merry Christmas everyone -
It is the first day of December and our home is filled with excitement. We put up the tree this weekend and now Jonathan spends his days trying to take it down. I am pretty sure the bottom third will be thread-bare by December 25th.
I pulled out our collection of Christmas stories on Sunday and came across my favorite story of all time...well other than the story of Jesus birth. And actually, come to think of it, this really isn't a Christmas story...but is in our Christmas storybook. No matter how hard I bite my cheek and hold my breath, I cry every time I read this story. Abigail, Luke and Marie just laugh - they know it's coming. I have tried to explain to them why...but they don't get it...yet.
It is a beautiful story about God's glorious plan for each of lives. It means more to me now because I am discerning God's plan for my life and could not be more different, more joyful, more satisfying than anything I ever dreamed up on my own. I was home in Davenport, Iowa for Thanksgiving last week and looking back to the beginnings of my life was humbling and filled with me with gratitude to my Lord. I am so thankful for everything God has given me, thankful He never gave up on me, thankful that He has a plan for my life that I didn't need to come up with on my own. Anyway, here is the fabulous story.
The Legend of the Three Trees
Author Unknown
Life burst into the world on the third day of Creation. From under the water, God brought forth the earth. Peeking up through the earth's soil, green plants waved like millions of tiny flags. Grasses, bushes, and trees grew into every size and shape.
The trees towered above all. There were pine trees and poplar, olive and oak, willow and walnut. Each held its own seeds and fruits. Their seeds and fruits scattered as animals carried them from the trees. In a green valley a fox dropped an olive. From that olive, a new olive tree with beautiful wood began to grow.
Along a rocky shoreline, a stork dropped an acorn into a deep crack. From that acorn, a great oak began to grow. High on a mountainside, a clumsy goat knocked a log into a tree. The crash sent pine cones and their seeds spinning to the ground. From one of those seeds, a new pine tree began to grow.
Each of these trees had great dreams of what it would become.
The olive tree hoped that its beautiful wood could become a treasure chest. Decorated with sparkling jewels, it would hold the greatest treasure in the world. The oak hoped to became a mighty ship. Strong and proud it would carry kings and queens across the waters. The tall, majestic pine hoped that its towering branches would remind people of the glory of God's Creation. It dreamed that it would always stay on the mountain and point people to God.
Many years passed. The trees' dreams had not come true. The olive tree had become a simple manger for feeding animals. The mighty oak's wood was made into a little fishing boat. And the great pine fell in a storm and lay in a heap of old lumber.
But God had Hos own plan for each of the trees.
One night, shepherd's keeping watch over their flock saw an angel. The angel told them not to be afraid, for their Savior had been born and was lying in a manger in Bethlehem. The olive tree had not become a treasure chest, but now, as a manger, it held the greatest treasure of all time - Jesus.
The infant Jesus grew into a man and traveled to the very lake that held the oak fishing boat. One day the boat carried Jesus and the fisherman on to the lake. A great storm swept over the lake. "Quiet! Be still," Jesus said. The storm stopped. The boat had never carried a king of this world, but now it carried the King of Kings.
One day soldiers came for the forgotten pine. From that pine's trunk they made a cross and placed Jesus on it. That day, Jesus died on the cross to take away the sins of all who believe in him.
Sometimes the dreams that we have for ourselves are much smaller than the dreams God has for us. The three trees dreams came true, just not in the way they imagined. And so it is with us. For if we follow God's path, we will travel far beyond even our greatest dreams.
Hope you enjoyed the story -
Jill
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wonderfully Made
...For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Ps. 139
Happy Fall!
Summer is over and the big lovelies are all in school. Jonathan and I miss them a lot. Fortunately, Jonathan sleeps all afternoon and I still get to clean-up after the messes the school-aged lovelies leave behind. I DO miss them terribly though - I'm not good at change and going from four children to one is quite a change of pace.
Jonathan was a year-and-a-half on September 4th. Unbelievable. He is doing very well - he flies around the house with his push cart, unloads the pantry, scales the stairs, and... plays in the toilet. Ughhh. He plays with his toys - his favorites are a pig with plastic coins, a pull-car, a drum and his maracas. He eats everything and drinks from a cup with a straw. He is learning some sign language and a few words - I am pretty sure he said cracker and bye the other day. He waves hello and goodbye without coaxing - he is our most social child. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face...well, not at bedtime...he has figured out his curfew is wayyyyy earlier than everyone else. He is savvy that way - not much gets by him.
His emerging "skill" is wrestling - he gets up on his knees and lunges at Luke. Then they wrestle - boy style. I actually can't watch their matches without tears in my eyes. From the moment we told the kids I was pregnant they were certain Jonathan was a boy...especially Luke. Oh - he wanted a brother. I feel like this is what Luke has been waiting for all along - a brother to wrestle with...and love more than I ever dreamed.
I haven't written on my blog for quite a while because I feel like God has laid something on my heart that He wants me to write. Unfortunately, it is not an easy message.
When I was pregnant with all four kids I was offered extensive prenatal blood testing...to detect "problems." One of the most common tests offered was a screen for chromosomal abnormalities, specifically Down Syndrome. I never felt the testing would be of any value until my last pregnancy. At the very beginning of my pregnancy, I convinced myself that at age 40 the tests might provide some useful information. Well, the tests provided information. Inconclusive and anxiety-provoking information. At the 11th week of my pregnancy Craig and I knew that our baby had a 1/16 chance of being born with Down Syndrome. I declined the amniocentesis test, which would have given a definite answer, because of the risk that it would cause a miscarriage. So, we waited for 20 more weeks - praying more than we have EVER prayed in our lives and wondering...what if? Doctors, many of them, soberly looked at us and offered the option of abortion.
And that is the big task God has laid on my heart. I was offered an abortion. A chance to end Jonathan's life...a baby that I willingly created...because he might have a medical condition so bad that it warranted his death. As I write these words the absurdity of the advice/options I received and the information I DID NOT makes my chest tighten. The fact that I received this "counseling" in 2010, in a large American city is...devastating.
I think God wants me to write something that will comfort parents given the information I was given. I was not given any information about Down Syndrome. Ever. Never. I was just told soberly that Jonathan could have the condition. Of course, I googled Down Syndrome and found loads of "helpful" information. But, I'll be honest...it was a little scary. Okay, terrifying. I wish there would have been something from a parent or a family member or a doctor that told me...it was going to be alright.
That is my writing assignment. I am trying to write a letter to expectant parents that let them know it will be okay. That, first and foremost, that Down Syndrome does not warrant a death sentence. It is not the most critical or complicated medical condition a person can be born with. (Jonathan's leukemia diagnosis kind-of drove this home for me). Of course, you can detect it easily. And you can't "cure" it either prenatally or postnatally. But, personally, I'm not sure it needs a "cure." Jonathan has challenges that I don't have...he is struggling to find his words...I have never had that problem. He struggles to gain weight...again, not I. But, there is so much more to Jonathan's life and the joy that he brings to our family than his somewhat minor struggles. He is joyful, smart, energetic, fun, silly and adorable. He is like all our children, and all other children...he just has some extra challenges. All of which our manageable either by medications, therapies, schooling, or unconditional love.
I'm not sure this writing alone would have been enough to quiet my heart when I was pregnant with Jonathan. I'm still refining it. My goal: To collect a hundred stories just like mine and place them in doctor's offices and online for moms-to-be and dads-to-be as an alternative source of information. If you have a story, or know someone who does please let me know. I'm sure there is a mom or dad out there right this minute who needs to know that their baby will be okay; that they will feel joy; that Down Syndrome is not the end of the world.
Love, Jill
Happy Fall!
Summer is over and the big lovelies are all in school. Jonathan and I miss them a lot. Fortunately, Jonathan sleeps all afternoon and I still get to clean-up after the messes the school-aged lovelies leave behind. I DO miss them terribly though - I'm not good at change and going from four children to one is quite a change of pace.
Jonathan was a year-and-a-half on September 4th. Unbelievable. He is doing very well - he flies around the house with his push cart, unloads the pantry, scales the stairs, and... plays in the toilet. Ughhh. He plays with his toys - his favorites are a pig with plastic coins, a pull-car, a drum and his maracas. He eats everything and drinks from a cup with a straw. He is learning some sign language and a few words - I am pretty sure he said cracker and bye the other day. He waves hello and goodbye without coaxing - he is our most social child. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face...well, not at bedtime...he has figured out his curfew is wayyyyy earlier than everyone else. He is savvy that way - not much gets by him.
His emerging "skill" is wrestling - he gets up on his knees and lunges at Luke. Then they wrestle - boy style. I actually can't watch their matches without tears in my eyes. From the moment we told the kids I was pregnant they were certain Jonathan was a boy...especially Luke. Oh - he wanted a brother. I feel like this is what Luke has been waiting for all along - a brother to wrestle with...and love more than I ever dreamed.
I haven't written on my blog for quite a while because I feel like God has laid something on my heart that He wants me to write. Unfortunately, it is not an easy message.
When I was pregnant with all four kids I was offered extensive prenatal blood testing...to detect "problems." One of the most common tests offered was a screen for chromosomal abnormalities, specifically Down Syndrome. I never felt the testing would be of any value until my last pregnancy. At the very beginning of my pregnancy, I convinced myself that at age 40 the tests might provide some useful information. Well, the tests provided information. Inconclusive and anxiety-provoking information. At the 11th week of my pregnancy Craig and I knew that our baby had a 1/16 chance of being born with Down Syndrome. I declined the amniocentesis test, which would have given a definite answer, because of the risk that it would cause a miscarriage. So, we waited for 20 more weeks - praying more than we have EVER prayed in our lives and wondering...what if? Doctors, many of them, soberly looked at us and offered the option of abortion.
And that is the big task God has laid on my heart. I was offered an abortion. A chance to end Jonathan's life...a baby that I willingly created...because he might have a medical condition so bad that it warranted his death. As I write these words the absurdity of the advice/options I received and the information I DID NOT makes my chest tighten. The fact that I received this "counseling" in 2010, in a large American city is...devastating.
I think God wants me to write something that will comfort parents given the information I was given. I was not given any information about Down Syndrome. Ever. Never. I was just told soberly that Jonathan could have the condition. Of course, I googled Down Syndrome and found loads of "helpful" information. But, I'll be honest...it was a little scary. Okay, terrifying. I wish there would have been something from a parent or a family member or a doctor that told me...it was going to be alright.
That is my writing assignment. I am trying to write a letter to expectant parents that let them know it will be okay. That, first and foremost, that Down Syndrome does not warrant a death sentence. It is not the most critical or complicated medical condition a person can be born with. (Jonathan's leukemia diagnosis kind-of drove this home for me). Of course, you can detect it easily. And you can't "cure" it either prenatally or postnatally. But, personally, I'm not sure it needs a "cure." Jonathan has challenges that I don't have...he is struggling to find his words...I have never had that problem. He struggles to gain weight...again, not I. But, there is so much more to Jonathan's life and the joy that he brings to our family than his somewhat minor struggles. He is joyful, smart, energetic, fun, silly and adorable. He is like all our children, and all other children...he just has some extra challenges. All of which our manageable either by medications, therapies, schooling, or unconditional love.
I'm not sure this writing alone would have been enough to quiet my heart when I was pregnant with Jonathan. I'm still refining it. My goal: To collect a hundred stories just like mine and place them in doctor's offices and online for moms-to-be and dads-to-be as an alternative source of information. If you have a story, or know someone who does please let me know. I'm sure there is a mom or dad out there right this minute who needs to know that their baby will be okay; that they will feel joy; that Down Syndrome is not the end of the world.
Love, Jill
Sunday, August 1, 2010
My Typical Backyard
Excerpts from Summer 2010
"Mama, Mama the bunnies are fighting! We need another bunny hut from Fleet Farm!" "Craig, you adopted the bunnies - you need to go get another hut. I have four children, I don't want two bloodied bunnies."
Swish, swish, splash. "Does anyone see Jonathan?" No answer. "Oh fella. No! No! You cannot keep playing in the toilet. Yucky. Germs." Ughhhh...
"Luke, let's play Build-a-Bear school." "Okay. Let's decide who the bad kids will be. Super Frog you are bad - you talk in class and you talk about poop." "Luke, now let's take them outside and give them swimming lessons in the pool." "Okay." Splash. Build-a-Bears float...or, I mean, swim.
10 seconds pass. Silence. "Jonathan. Jonathan, where are you?" Whew, not in the toilet. Oh brother. Sprint to the front hall. "Fella, you are going to get really hurt." "Ahhhhhh - giggle - screech!" "You can't climb the staircase by yourself." "Honey, when you are done with the second bunny hut we need another baby gate..."
We are having quite a summer at our house. Our smallish, urban backyard is filled with an embarrassing amount of kid accessories. Our poor neighbors. And now, in addition to the swingset, sandbox, slip-n-slide, splash table, baby pool, balls, soccer net, bikes, scooters, wagon, baby pink car, and 12 X 12 foot above ground pool -we have two large bunny huts. We adopted two bunnies from the humane society - insane only because we have about twenty bunnies hopping between our yard and the neighbor's yard. I'm not telling them about the hut - I hope they aren't reading this. The bunnies were a "reward" for Abigail - she completed her summer vacation study book. Luke and Marie completed their books weeks ago - unaware that live animals were a possibility they went to Build-a-Bear for more students. Craig and Abigail are in charge of the bunnies - I have been quoting the Bible regarding pet care to them all morning. Please pray for the bunnies - named by their previous owner Winnepeg and Zeus.
It really is amazing what you can fit into and 40 by 40 foot backyard. Of course, I am using the word "fit" with a whole lot of liberties. We started acquiring all these fabulous items because we have been home a lot this summer. In previous years we spent a lot of time at pools and beaches...this year we have a nineteen pound anchor fastening us to the backyard. Jonathan. He is so adorable...and getting smarter by the minute. He won't stay home with our wonderful babysitter without pitching an earsplitting fit. We try to leave him at home in the afternoons - when he is napping for the most part - and go the waterpark or lake. Unfortunately, during the least part of his afternoon -when he wakes up around 3 p.m. - he discovers our absence and screams until we return. I am part frustrated by his antics, and part...so proud...and thankful...and blessed. You see, at this time last year I was not sure Jonathan appreciated how vital I was to his happiness. I say it glibbly now, but it really was hard then. I just wan't sure he know I was his mama, and that, therefore, I was the single most important, favorite, special person in his world. He had been in the hospital for the first nine weeks of his life and learned to trust many loving caregivers. Well, it took him awhile, but sometime last winter he began to realize how amazing I am...and Craig, Abigail, Luke and Marie. And now? Well, we can't leave the house without him. So blessed. And, such a cluttered backyard.
Any predictions on how long the bunnies last??? Remember the hamster and princess castle cage? We have kept a betta that can apparently live without food and/or a bowl change for many, many weeks. (Until I remember the animal care section of the Bible and am guilted into caring for this most durable fish.)
Love,
Jill
"Mama, Mama the bunnies are fighting! We need another bunny hut from Fleet Farm!" "Craig, you adopted the bunnies - you need to go get another hut. I have four children, I don't want two bloodied bunnies."
Swish, swish, splash. "Does anyone see Jonathan?" No answer. "Oh fella. No! No! You cannot keep playing in the toilet. Yucky. Germs." Ughhhh...
"Luke, let's play Build-a-Bear school." "Okay. Let's decide who the bad kids will be. Super Frog you are bad - you talk in class and you talk about poop." "Luke, now let's take them outside and give them swimming lessons in the pool." "Okay." Splash. Build-a-Bears float...or, I mean, swim.
10 seconds pass. Silence. "Jonathan. Jonathan, where are you?" Whew, not in the toilet. Oh brother. Sprint to the front hall. "Fella, you are going to get really hurt." "Ahhhhhh - giggle - screech!" "You can't climb the staircase by yourself." "Honey, when you are done with the second bunny hut we need another baby gate..."
We are having quite a summer at our house. Our smallish, urban backyard is filled with an embarrassing amount of kid accessories. Our poor neighbors. And now, in addition to the swingset, sandbox, slip-n-slide, splash table, baby pool, balls, soccer net, bikes, scooters, wagon, baby pink car, and 12 X 12 foot above ground pool -we have two large bunny huts. We adopted two bunnies from the humane society - insane only because we have about twenty bunnies hopping between our yard and the neighbor's yard. I'm not telling them about the hut - I hope they aren't reading this. The bunnies were a "reward" for Abigail - she completed her summer vacation study book. Luke and Marie completed their books weeks ago - unaware that live animals were a possibility they went to Build-a-Bear for more students. Craig and Abigail are in charge of the bunnies - I have been quoting the Bible regarding pet care to them all morning. Please pray for the bunnies - named by their previous owner Winnepeg and Zeus.
It really is amazing what you can fit into and 40 by 40 foot backyard. Of course, I am using the word "fit" with a whole lot of liberties. We started acquiring all these fabulous items because we have been home a lot this summer. In previous years we spent a lot of time at pools and beaches...this year we have a nineteen pound anchor fastening us to the backyard. Jonathan. He is so adorable...and getting smarter by the minute. He won't stay home with our wonderful babysitter without pitching an earsplitting fit. We try to leave him at home in the afternoons - when he is napping for the most part - and go the waterpark or lake. Unfortunately, during the least part of his afternoon -when he wakes up around 3 p.m. - he discovers our absence and screams until we return. I am part frustrated by his antics, and part...so proud...and thankful...and blessed. You see, at this time last year I was not sure Jonathan appreciated how vital I was to his happiness. I say it glibbly now, but it really was hard then. I just wan't sure he know I was his mama, and that, therefore, I was the single most important, favorite, special person in his world. He had been in the hospital for the first nine weeks of his life and learned to trust many loving caregivers. Well, it took him awhile, but sometime last winter he began to realize how amazing I am...and Craig, Abigail, Luke and Marie. And now? Well, we can't leave the house without him. So blessed. And, such a cluttered backyard.
Any predictions on how long the bunnies last??? Remember the hamster and princess castle cage? We have kept a betta that can apparently live without food and/or a bowl change for many, many weeks. (Until I remember the animal care section of the Bible and am guilted into caring for this most durable fish.)
Love,
Jill
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I Will Teach Your Children
Hi -
Summer has been slightly crazy so far for our family. We have been camping and on a wild trip up North for the Fourth of July. Now we are just hanging out. Luke and Marie are playing "Build-a-Bear" and fireworks store; Abigail is making earrings to sell; and Jonathan is taking a long summers nap.
One of the main reasons I started writing this blog (and my book project) was to record how God has magnificently stepped into our lives and met our every need since Jonathan was born. His presence in all our lives has been so obvious and glorious it takes my breath away...and usually makes me cry...like right now.
In the hours and days after Jonathan was born I was filled with fear. I was afraid for Jonathan's life and for his faraway future...and everything in between. My other biggest fear was how Jonathan's disability would affect Abigail, Luke and Marie. Immediately, I felt guilty for becoming pregnant at an age when I knew problems were a real possibility. I also felt great sadness for them because they had really, really wanted a baby brother. A baby brother they could play with and teach things to and love. I guess I didn't know if Jonathan would ever be able to meet any of those desires as he laid in his isolette with a dozen tubes coming out of his body. I was worried about how his needs would impact the life they had come to know. Would we go on vacations? Would we go out to eat? Then the real biggies. What would their friends think of Jonathan? Would they make fun of him? How would this impact Abigail, Luke and Marie? How was I going to save them from the hurt I saw coming? And finally, how would I ever tell them what Down Syndrome was and how it would effect Jonathan.
You know, I have never figured out the answers to those questions. But, without fail, as each issue presented itself, God presented himself and used that fateful moment to show His glory and goodness. There are at least a dozen of these times I could write about - I wrote about the American Idol episode earlier this year. From now on, I will write them all because they are such a powerful example of how much God loves My Lovelies. In fact, His rescue of My Lovelies has been the closest I have ever felt Him in my life. It will be the evidence I turn to when I feel discouraged or forgotten for the rest of my life. I guess that makes it worth sharing.
Abigail and Marie went to vacation Bible School the week after school was out...Luke went to Football Camp. (Someday he is going to be a professional football player for two years - why only two years? - "because you get bloody after that mama.") When I dropped Abigail off at her room I looked in and saw a boy with Down Syndrome. My heart skipped a few beats and I prayed the rest of the morning. There were twelve kids in the room so she was going to meet him. She had never met a child her own age with Down Syndrome. When I picked her up that day she said, "Mama, there is a boy named Ben in my class with Down Syndrome." And that was it. I forced myself not to pry. I wanted to see what she would say. And I was afraid of hearing what I thought she was thinking. Well, the week went on...and on...and on. Each day, she would share a little bit of information about Ben. The next day she said, "Mama, Ben has a twin brother in my class. Ben is alot like Jonathan; he just smiles so big when his brother comes in the room." The next day, she said, "Ben wasn't at vbs because he had to go to his special school for speech...just like Jonathan." On Thursday she came home and reported that she always gives the ball to Ben during games, but he never knows what to do with it. She said sometimes he takes the ball and runs. "Mama, will Jonathan run with the ball?" I told her I wasn't sure. She said she hoped he wouldn't because people got mad. But she wasn't mad. After vbs was over, I asked her if she was glad Ben was in her class . She gave me the most unexpected answer. She said, "Why? I don't care about stuff like that. That is what grown-ups care about." "What do you mean?" "I don't care about Down Syndrome. He was hyper and funny. So I liked him." And that was the end of vbs.
Truthfully, I never would have put Abigail in that class - unless I was the teacher and could have monitored everything that went on. But, God put her there and He took care of everything. He taught her that week; oh, and he taught me, he is always teaching me. Thank-you my mighty God for taking care of My Lovelies. Please keep building their hearts and minds.
One more story. This weekend we went on our nutty Fourth of July trip. I will write about that later - it was part memory lane and part fireworks. During the enjoyable fireworks part Craig and Abigail took Jonathan to a bakery while I watched Luke and Marie swim. When they came to meet us at the pool, Abigail came bounding up and shouted, "I got a dollar from a man at the bakery who said Jonathan was a miracle baby." I looked at Craig, "What happened?" "A man walked up and told us he had been watching Jonathan eat his bread and drink from his straw. He said he works with children with Down Syndrome and that Jonathan is a one-in-million little boy. A miracle baby. Then he looked at Abigail and told her she was beautiful and that she was being a great big sister. Then he gave her a dollar bill." "Mama, why are you crying? Giggle. You always cry about this stuff." That's my Abigail. I do always cry about this stuff. Because it is HUGE. Because every instance is a blessing which brings me to my knees. Why us? Why has He taken us under His mighty wings? This kind-of stuff just doesn't happen to everybody. And He answers..."Because he loves me", says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. Psalm 91:14-15. Because she loves me. That is why. I do love Him. I'm not perfect - never, ever have been - but, I have always loved Him. Never more than at this moment. Psalm 91. God's words in this Psalm saved my heart from shattering in a million pieces on the hardest day of my life. In fact, if I ever finish the book and if any company publishes it, I will entitle it "Because She Loves Me."
Well, that is it for now. If you have time please lift a prayer for my beautiful Nigerian friend from Woodland Hills (I'm not sure I should use her name) she is flying to Nigeria today with her four children. Specifically, pray that God will calm her daughter through this long journey.
Happy Summer -
Jill
Summer has been slightly crazy so far for our family. We have been camping and on a wild trip up North for the Fourth of July. Now we are just hanging out. Luke and Marie are playing "Build-a-Bear" and fireworks store; Abigail is making earrings to sell; and Jonathan is taking a long summers nap.
One of the main reasons I started writing this blog (and my book project) was to record how God has magnificently stepped into our lives and met our every need since Jonathan was born. His presence in all our lives has been so obvious and glorious it takes my breath away...and usually makes me cry...like right now.
In the hours and days after Jonathan was born I was filled with fear. I was afraid for Jonathan's life and for his faraway future...and everything in between. My other biggest fear was how Jonathan's disability would affect Abigail, Luke and Marie. Immediately, I felt guilty for becoming pregnant at an age when I knew problems were a real possibility. I also felt great sadness for them because they had really, really wanted a baby brother. A baby brother they could play with and teach things to and love. I guess I didn't know if Jonathan would ever be able to meet any of those desires as he laid in his isolette with a dozen tubes coming out of his body. I was worried about how his needs would impact the life they had come to know. Would we go on vacations? Would we go out to eat? Then the real biggies. What would their friends think of Jonathan? Would they make fun of him? How would this impact Abigail, Luke and Marie? How was I going to save them from the hurt I saw coming? And finally, how would I ever tell them what Down Syndrome was and how it would effect Jonathan.
You know, I have never figured out the answers to those questions. But, without fail, as each issue presented itself, God presented himself and used that fateful moment to show His glory and goodness. There are at least a dozen of these times I could write about - I wrote about the American Idol episode earlier this year. From now on, I will write them all because they are such a powerful example of how much God loves My Lovelies. In fact, His rescue of My Lovelies has been the closest I have ever felt Him in my life. It will be the evidence I turn to when I feel discouraged or forgotten for the rest of my life. I guess that makes it worth sharing.
Abigail and Marie went to vacation Bible School the week after school was out...Luke went to Football Camp. (Someday he is going to be a professional football player for two years - why only two years? - "because you get bloody after that mama.") When I dropped Abigail off at her room I looked in and saw a boy with Down Syndrome. My heart skipped a few beats and I prayed the rest of the morning. There were twelve kids in the room so she was going to meet him. She had never met a child her own age with Down Syndrome. When I picked her up that day she said, "Mama, there is a boy named Ben in my class with Down Syndrome." And that was it. I forced myself not to pry. I wanted to see what she would say. And I was afraid of hearing what I thought she was thinking. Well, the week went on...and on...and on. Each day, she would share a little bit of information about Ben. The next day she said, "Mama, Ben has a twin brother in my class. Ben is alot like Jonathan; he just smiles so big when his brother comes in the room." The next day, she said, "Ben wasn't at vbs because he had to go to his special school for speech...just like Jonathan." On Thursday she came home and reported that she always gives the ball to Ben during games, but he never knows what to do with it. She said sometimes he takes the ball and runs. "Mama, will Jonathan run with the ball?" I told her I wasn't sure. She said she hoped he wouldn't because people got mad. But she wasn't mad. After vbs was over, I asked her if she was glad Ben was in her class . She gave me the most unexpected answer. She said, "Why? I don't care about stuff like that. That is what grown-ups care about." "What do you mean?" "I don't care about Down Syndrome. He was hyper and funny. So I liked him." And that was the end of vbs.
Truthfully, I never would have put Abigail in that class - unless I was the teacher and could have monitored everything that went on. But, God put her there and He took care of everything. He taught her that week; oh, and he taught me, he is always teaching me. Thank-you my mighty God for taking care of My Lovelies. Please keep building their hearts and minds.
One more story. This weekend we went on our nutty Fourth of July trip. I will write about that later - it was part memory lane and part fireworks. During the enjoyable fireworks part Craig and Abigail took Jonathan to a bakery while I watched Luke and Marie swim. When they came to meet us at the pool, Abigail came bounding up and shouted, "I got a dollar from a man at the bakery who said Jonathan was a miracle baby." I looked at Craig, "What happened?" "A man walked up and told us he had been watching Jonathan eat his bread and drink from his straw. He said he works with children with Down Syndrome and that Jonathan is a one-in-million little boy. A miracle baby. Then he looked at Abigail and told her she was beautiful and that she was being a great big sister. Then he gave her a dollar bill." "Mama, why are you crying? Giggle. You always cry about this stuff." That's my Abigail. I do always cry about this stuff. Because it is HUGE. Because every instance is a blessing which brings me to my knees. Why us? Why has He taken us under His mighty wings? This kind-of stuff just doesn't happen to everybody. And He answers..."Because he loves me", says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. Psalm 91:14-15. Because she loves me. That is why. I do love Him. I'm not perfect - never, ever have been - but, I have always loved Him. Never more than at this moment. Psalm 91. God's words in this Psalm saved my heart from shattering in a million pieces on the hardest day of my life. In fact, if I ever finish the book and if any company publishes it, I will entitle it "Because She Loves Me."
Well, that is it for now. If you have time please lift a prayer for my beautiful Nigerian friend from Woodland Hills (I'm not sure I should use her name) she is flying to Nigeria today with her four children. Specifically, pray that God will calm her daughter through this long journey.
Happy Summer -
Jill
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Scandalous Love
Happy Sunday!
I had a morning at church today. This past year has been an unsettled year for us as far as church attendance at our regular church, North Heights. Jonathan was sick, and or medically fragile, for most of the last year and we tried to avoid the particularly germy places, i.e. Chuck-e-Cheese and the church nursery. For the last few months, we have gone back to the church we went to for many years - Woodland Hills Church in Maplewood, MN.
Today, we all piled into one of the back rows in the sanctuary. After a while, Jonathan got a tiny bit wiggly and Craig took him out - with Abigail and Luke hot on his trail. Marie and I stayed and listened to Greg Boyd deliver a sermon in his Scandalous Love series. About 10 minutes into his sermon I heard some noise in the back and noticed a mother with two older girls and a baby Jonathan's age. One of the daughters was struggling and making some noise - the next thing I knew she was coming right toward me. She sat down next to and held my hand and tried to talk...but her words were garbled and hard to understand. I rubbed her back and looked into her eyes and she seemed to calm down. Soon her mom and two sisters came over and sat down by us. Her mom apologized and I told her it was okay...and I meant it with all my heart. Her daughter was still squeezing my hand and was now going through her alphabet flash cards with me. Her mom told me her daughter was nine years old and had some developmental delays.
The service went on and this young woman continued to not-so-quietly practice her letter sounds with Marie and I. Just a note: one of the many beautiful things about Woodland Hills is that at no point did anyone turn and scowl at us - in fact, the opposite happened, the young man in front of us turned and smiled and so did the elderly ladies next to us. I was so thankful because this woman clearly had a hard time getting her girls to church - and keeping them there.
As time passed, she commented on how I was missing the whole sermon. I said it was okay. I was thinking to myself that the whole sermon was about God's scandalous love for us - and something about us being a black hole - whatever it was about, this young girl needed my love. As she struggled to talk and think of the letter sound for "B" I could barely hold it together. I kept thinking of Jonathan and his present struggle to talk and wondering if he would have letter cards in church when he was nine. After her mom apologized again, I held back a few tears and told her that my little Jonathan had Down Syndrome and that he was out in the lobby with my husband. She smiled and said she was sorry. (FYI - I'm okay when people say they are sorry - it is a very common response - just KNOW that I am not sorry).
Well, the service went on and the whole time I was thinking about how helpful I was being to this young girl and her mom. Good grief. After the service ended her mother grabbed my hands and asked if we could pray together. I said yes, of course. (As Marie tugged my arm and her daughter wrestled for freedom). This beautiful woman didn't pray for her daughter, or thank God for putting her next to someone who would be okay with a distraction this Sunday. She prayed for Jonathan. She prayed that he would be blessed, be healthy, be free of developmental delays, etc., etc, etc. I was crying and soon my whole family was standing there wondering what one earth was going on. I couldn't understand all she prayed for today - her accent was thick and between her daughter and my lovelies I had a hard time concentrating. Praise God - she didn't. She prayed loudly and boldly through it all. After she finished - I never said a word - she left me speechless - we introduced eachother and agreed that we would sit together in that back pew next week.
I can still smell her perfume on my hands as I type these words. I don't want to wash my hands because I don't want the memory of this encounter to fade away. I am so thankful this young woman came and sat by ME. Woodland Hills is a very big church and while it is unlikely she would have ambled to the front of the auditorium, she could have chosen one of the other hundred or so seats in the back. (It wasn't so crowded today). I would like to think that God directed her to me - and my family. Marie was very patient with her and Luke was - I'm honestly not sure - he was preoccupied with getting to the candy machine by the exit door. Abigail had a harder time. The young girl grabbed her wrist and took her water bottle away. Abigail was very startled and started to cry. We talked about it after church, and I think she understands now - but it is hard. She understands many things she didn't even know existed at this time last year. I'm just praying that she always goes to God with her fears and concerns.
Anyway, that was my morning. Maybe I will listen to the sermon on the internet, but even if I don't it was the best church service I have been to in years. Thank-you God.
Love,
Jill
I had a morning at church today. This past year has been an unsettled year for us as far as church attendance at our regular church, North Heights. Jonathan was sick, and or medically fragile, for most of the last year and we tried to avoid the particularly germy places, i.e. Chuck-e-Cheese and the church nursery. For the last few months, we have gone back to the church we went to for many years - Woodland Hills Church in Maplewood, MN.
Today, we all piled into one of the back rows in the sanctuary. After a while, Jonathan got a tiny bit wiggly and Craig took him out - with Abigail and Luke hot on his trail. Marie and I stayed and listened to Greg Boyd deliver a sermon in his Scandalous Love series. About 10 minutes into his sermon I heard some noise in the back and noticed a mother with two older girls and a baby Jonathan's age. One of the daughters was struggling and making some noise - the next thing I knew she was coming right toward me. She sat down next to and held my hand and tried to talk...but her words were garbled and hard to understand. I rubbed her back and looked into her eyes and she seemed to calm down. Soon her mom and two sisters came over and sat down by us. Her mom apologized and I told her it was okay...and I meant it with all my heart. Her daughter was still squeezing my hand and was now going through her alphabet flash cards with me. Her mom told me her daughter was nine years old and had some developmental delays.
The service went on and this young woman continued to not-so-quietly practice her letter sounds with Marie and I. Just a note: one of the many beautiful things about Woodland Hills is that at no point did anyone turn and scowl at us - in fact, the opposite happened, the young man in front of us turned and smiled and so did the elderly ladies next to us. I was so thankful because this woman clearly had a hard time getting her girls to church - and keeping them there.
As time passed, she commented on how I was missing the whole sermon. I said it was okay. I was thinking to myself that the whole sermon was about God's scandalous love for us - and something about us being a black hole - whatever it was about, this young girl needed my love. As she struggled to talk and think of the letter sound for "B" I could barely hold it together. I kept thinking of Jonathan and his present struggle to talk and wondering if he would have letter cards in church when he was nine. After her mom apologized again, I held back a few tears and told her that my little Jonathan had Down Syndrome and that he was out in the lobby with my husband. She smiled and said she was sorry. (FYI - I'm okay when people say they are sorry - it is a very common response - just KNOW that I am not sorry).
Well, the service went on and the whole time I was thinking about how helpful I was being to this young girl and her mom. Good grief. After the service ended her mother grabbed my hands and asked if we could pray together. I said yes, of course. (As Marie tugged my arm and her daughter wrestled for freedom). This beautiful woman didn't pray for her daughter, or thank God for putting her next to someone who would be okay with a distraction this Sunday. She prayed for Jonathan. She prayed that he would be blessed, be healthy, be free of developmental delays, etc., etc, etc. I was crying and soon my whole family was standing there wondering what one earth was going on. I couldn't understand all she prayed for today - her accent was thick and between her daughter and my lovelies I had a hard time concentrating. Praise God - she didn't. She prayed loudly and boldly through it all. After she finished - I never said a word - she left me speechless - we introduced eachother and agreed that we would sit together in that back pew next week.
I can still smell her perfume on my hands as I type these words. I don't want to wash my hands because I don't want the memory of this encounter to fade away. I am so thankful this young woman came and sat by ME. Woodland Hills is a very big church and while it is unlikely she would have ambled to the front of the auditorium, she could have chosen one of the other hundred or so seats in the back. (It wasn't so crowded today). I would like to think that God directed her to me - and my family. Marie was very patient with her and Luke was - I'm honestly not sure - he was preoccupied with getting to the candy machine by the exit door. Abigail had a harder time. The young girl grabbed her wrist and took her water bottle away. Abigail was very startled and started to cry. We talked about it after church, and I think she understands now - but it is hard. She understands many things she didn't even know existed at this time last year. I'm just praying that she always goes to God with her fears and concerns.
Anyway, that was my morning. Maybe I will listen to the sermon on the internet, but even if I don't it was the best church service I have been to in years. Thank-you God.
Love,
Jill
Monday, May 10, 2010
My Treasure
Children are a gift from the Lord; babies are a reward.
Psalm 127:3 (NCV)
I am so lucky to have four presents from the Lord! They are so beautiful and fun and loving...what else could a girl want?
Well, they gave me an extra special Mother's Day present this year. And they are all enjoying it thoroughly. Craig declared this "The Year of Fun" when buying the present. Any ideas? Don't even try...you'll never guess.
Craig loves to surf around on Craig's list. For tools, books, large saws, trailers...all kinds of stuff he "needs." On the flip side, Craig loves to research all life's major purchases(think ovens), and minor purchases(think vacuums),in Consumer Reports. I was never quite sure how these purchasing approaches could be reconciled until he bought my Mother's Day present this year.
Craig found my Mother's Day present on Craig's List this year...nope, not a chainsaw. We drove about 45 minutes north to a small town and there it was. A butter-yellow VW convertible. It was sitting in the driveway of one of those car dealerships you drive buy and think "Who on earth would buy a car there?" We pulled into the "dealership" and all six of us piled out of the minivan. The kids immediately ran to the beetle, opened the doors and hopped in. The apparent owner of the dealership came out and just handed me the keys - he didn't even ask my name. Just told me to take it for a spin. So I did. The three oldest kids screeched and hollered the whole time. When we went back Craig had discussed the previous life the VW. The most-friendly-nonaggressive-carsalesman on the planet told us the VW had sustained smoke damage from a house fire while parked in the attached garage. Hmmm - we didn't smell anything - I guess the roof was down. Oh well. He degreased the outside and it looked good to us. We bought it three hours later with a personal check. No inspections, no Consumer Reports, no months and months of discussions about the purchase.
We have already logged 200+ miles on B.B. (The kids named the car - I thought it stood for Beetle Bug, they said it stands for Beetle Butt...ughhhh...that genre of humor is our unfortunate mainstay right now - maybe we can rename it in a few years...)
Anyway, we are having fun in B.B. during our self-proclaimed Year of Fun.
Love,
Jill
Psalm 127:3 (NCV)
I am so lucky to have four presents from the Lord! They are so beautiful and fun and loving...what else could a girl want?
Well, they gave me an extra special Mother's Day present this year. And they are all enjoying it thoroughly. Craig declared this "The Year of Fun" when buying the present. Any ideas? Don't even try...you'll never guess.
Craig loves to surf around on Craig's list. For tools, books, large saws, trailers...all kinds of stuff he "needs." On the flip side, Craig loves to research all life's major purchases(think ovens), and minor purchases(think vacuums),in Consumer Reports. I was never quite sure how these purchasing approaches could be reconciled until he bought my Mother's Day present this year.
Craig found my Mother's Day present on Craig's List this year...nope, not a chainsaw. We drove about 45 minutes north to a small town and there it was. A butter-yellow VW convertible. It was sitting in the driveway of one of those car dealerships you drive buy and think "Who on earth would buy a car there?" We pulled into the "dealership" and all six of us piled out of the minivan. The kids immediately ran to the beetle, opened the doors and hopped in. The apparent owner of the dealership came out and just handed me the keys - he didn't even ask my name. Just told me to take it for a spin. So I did. The three oldest kids screeched and hollered the whole time. When we went back Craig had discussed the previous life the VW. The most-friendly-nonaggressive-carsalesman on the planet told us the VW had sustained smoke damage from a house fire while parked in the attached garage. Hmmm - we didn't smell anything - I guess the roof was down. Oh well. He degreased the outside and it looked good to us. We bought it three hours later with a personal check. No inspections, no Consumer Reports, no months and months of discussions about the purchase.
We have already logged 200+ miles on B.B. (The kids named the car - I thought it stood for Beetle Bug, they said it stands for Beetle Butt...ughhhh...that genre of humor is our unfortunate mainstay right now - maybe we can rename it in a few years...)
Anyway, we are having fun in B.B. during our self-proclaimed Year of Fun.
Love,
Jill
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