Hi -
Summer has been slightly crazy so far for our family. We have been camping and on a wild trip up North for the Fourth of July. Now we are just hanging out. Luke and Marie are playing "Build-a-Bear" and fireworks store; Abigail is making earrings to sell; and Jonathan is taking a long summers nap.
One of the main reasons I started writing this blog (and my book project) was to record how God has magnificently stepped into our lives and met our every need since Jonathan was born. His presence in all our lives has been so obvious and glorious it takes my breath away...and usually makes me cry...like right now.
In the hours and days after Jonathan was born I was filled with fear. I was afraid for Jonathan's life and for his faraway future...and everything in between. My other biggest fear was how Jonathan's disability would affect Abigail, Luke and Marie. Immediately, I felt guilty for becoming pregnant at an age when I knew problems were a real possibility. I also felt great sadness for them because they had really, really wanted a baby brother. A baby brother they could play with and teach things to and love. I guess I didn't know if Jonathan would ever be able to meet any of those desires as he laid in his isolette with a dozen tubes coming out of his body. I was worried about how his needs would impact the life they had come to know. Would we go on vacations? Would we go out to eat? Then the real biggies. What would their friends think of Jonathan? Would they make fun of him? How would this impact Abigail, Luke and Marie? How was I going to save them from the hurt I saw coming? And finally, how would I ever tell them what Down Syndrome was and how it would effect Jonathan.
You know, I have never figured out the answers to those questions. But, without fail, as each issue presented itself, God presented himself and used that fateful moment to show His glory and goodness. There are at least a dozen of these times I could write about - I wrote about the American Idol episode earlier this year. From now on, I will write them all because they are such a powerful example of how much God loves My Lovelies. In fact, His rescue of My Lovelies has been the closest I have ever felt Him in my life. It will be the evidence I turn to when I feel discouraged or forgotten for the rest of my life. I guess that makes it worth sharing.
Abigail and Marie went to vacation Bible School the week after school was out...Luke went to Football Camp. (Someday he is going to be a professional football player for two years - why only two years? - "because you get bloody after that mama.") When I dropped Abigail off at her room I looked in and saw a boy with Down Syndrome. My heart skipped a few beats and I prayed the rest of the morning. There were twelve kids in the room so she was going to meet him. She had never met a child her own age with Down Syndrome. When I picked her up that day she said, "Mama, there is a boy named Ben in my class with Down Syndrome." And that was it. I forced myself not to pry. I wanted to see what she would say. And I was afraid of hearing what I thought she was thinking. Well, the week went on...and on...and on. Each day, she would share a little bit of information about Ben. The next day she said, "Mama, Ben has a twin brother in my class. Ben is alot like Jonathan; he just smiles so big when his brother comes in the room." The next day, she said, "Ben wasn't at vbs because he had to go to his special school for speech...just like Jonathan." On Thursday she came home and reported that she always gives the ball to Ben during games, but he never knows what to do with it. She said sometimes he takes the ball and runs. "Mama, will Jonathan run with the ball?" I told her I wasn't sure. She said she hoped he wouldn't because people got mad. But she wasn't mad. After vbs was over, I asked her if she was glad Ben was in her class . She gave me the most unexpected answer. She said, "Why? I don't care about stuff like that. That is what grown-ups care about." "What do you mean?" "I don't care about Down Syndrome. He was hyper and funny. So I liked him." And that was the end of vbs.
Truthfully, I never would have put Abigail in that class - unless I was the teacher and could have monitored everything that went on. But, God put her there and He took care of everything. He taught her that week; oh, and he taught me, he is always teaching me. Thank-you my mighty God for taking care of My Lovelies. Please keep building their hearts and minds.
One more story. This weekend we went on our nutty Fourth of July trip. I will write about that later - it was part memory lane and part fireworks. During the enjoyable fireworks part Craig and Abigail took Jonathan to a bakery while I watched Luke and Marie swim. When they came to meet us at the pool, Abigail came bounding up and shouted, "I got a dollar from a man at the bakery who said Jonathan was a miracle baby." I looked at Craig, "What happened?" "A man walked up and told us he had been watching Jonathan eat his bread and drink from his straw. He said he works with children with Down Syndrome and that Jonathan is a one-in-million little boy. A miracle baby. Then he looked at Abigail and told her she was beautiful and that she was being a great big sister. Then he gave her a dollar bill." "Mama, why are you crying? Giggle. You always cry about this stuff." That's my Abigail. I do always cry about this stuff. Because it is HUGE. Because every instance is a blessing which brings me to my knees. Why us? Why has He taken us under His mighty wings? This kind-of stuff just doesn't happen to everybody. And He answers..."Because he loves me", says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. Psalm 91:14-15. Because she loves me. That is why. I do love Him. I'm not perfect - never, ever have been - but, I have always loved Him. Never more than at this moment. Psalm 91. God's words in this Psalm saved my heart from shattering in a million pieces on the hardest day of my life. In fact, if I ever finish the book and if any company publishes it, I will entitle it "Because She Loves Me."
Well, that is it for now. If you have time please lift a prayer for my beautiful Nigerian friend from Woodland Hills (I'm not sure I should use her name) she is flying to Nigeria today with her four children. Specifically, pray that God will calm her daughter through this long journey.
Happy Summer -
Jill
