For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Merry Christmas everyone -
It is the first day of December and our home is filled with excitement. We put up the tree this weekend and now Jonathan spends his days trying to take it down. I am pretty sure the bottom third will be thread-bare by December 25th.
I pulled out our collection of Christmas stories on Sunday and came across my favorite story of all time...well other than the story of Jesus birth. And actually, come to think of it, this really isn't a Christmas story...but is in our Christmas storybook. No matter how hard I bite my cheek and hold my breath, I cry every time I read this story. Abigail, Luke and Marie just laugh - they know it's coming. I have tried to explain to them why...but they don't get it...yet.
It is a beautiful story about God's glorious plan for each of lives. It means more to me now because I am discerning God's plan for my life and could not be more different, more joyful, more satisfying than anything I ever dreamed up on my own. I was home in Davenport, Iowa for Thanksgiving last week and looking back to the beginnings of my life was humbling and filled with me with gratitude to my Lord. I am so thankful for everything God has given me, thankful He never gave up on me, thankful that He has a plan for my life that I didn't need to come up with on my own. Anyway, here is the fabulous story.
The Legend of the Three Trees
Author Unknown
Life burst into the world on the third day of Creation. From under the water, God brought forth the earth. Peeking up through the earth's soil, green plants waved like millions of tiny flags. Grasses, bushes, and trees grew into every size and shape.
The trees towered above all. There were pine trees and poplar, olive and oak, willow and walnut. Each held its own seeds and fruits. Their seeds and fruits scattered as animals carried them from the trees. In a green valley a fox dropped an olive. From that olive, a new olive tree with beautiful wood began to grow.
Along a rocky shoreline, a stork dropped an acorn into a deep crack. From that acorn, a great oak began to grow. High on a mountainside, a clumsy goat knocked a log into a tree. The crash sent pine cones and their seeds spinning to the ground. From one of those seeds, a new pine tree began to grow.
Each of these trees had great dreams of what it would become.
The olive tree hoped that its beautiful wood could become a treasure chest. Decorated with sparkling jewels, it would hold the greatest treasure in the world. The oak hoped to became a mighty ship. Strong and proud it would carry kings and queens across the waters. The tall, majestic pine hoped that its towering branches would remind people of the glory of God's Creation. It dreamed that it would always stay on the mountain and point people to God.
Many years passed. The trees' dreams had not come true. The olive tree had become a simple manger for feeding animals. The mighty oak's wood was made into a little fishing boat. And the great pine fell in a storm and lay in a heap of old lumber.
But God had Hos own plan for each of the trees.
One night, shepherd's keeping watch over their flock saw an angel. The angel told them not to be afraid, for their Savior had been born and was lying in a manger in Bethlehem. The olive tree had not become a treasure chest, but now, as a manger, it held the greatest treasure of all time - Jesus.
The infant Jesus grew into a man and traveled to the very lake that held the oak fishing boat. One day the boat carried Jesus and the fisherman on to the lake. A great storm swept over the lake. "Quiet! Be still," Jesus said. The storm stopped. The boat had never carried a king of this world, but now it carried the King of Kings.
One day soldiers came for the forgotten pine. From that pine's trunk they made a cross and placed Jesus on it. That day, Jesus died on the cross to take away the sins of all who believe in him.
Sometimes the dreams that we have for ourselves are much smaller than the dreams God has for us. The three trees dreams came true, just not in the way they imagined. And so it is with us. For if we follow God's path, we will travel far beyond even our greatest dreams.
Hope you enjoyed the story -
Jill
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wonderfully Made
...For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Ps. 139
Happy Fall!
Summer is over and the big lovelies are all in school. Jonathan and I miss them a lot. Fortunately, Jonathan sleeps all afternoon and I still get to clean-up after the messes the school-aged lovelies leave behind. I DO miss them terribly though - I'm not good at change and going from four children to one is quite a change of pace.
Jonathan was a year-and-a-half on September 4th. Unbelievable. He is doing very well - he flies around the house with his push cart, unloads the pantry, scales the stairs, and... plays in the toilet. Ughhh. He plays with his toys - his favorites are a pig with plastic coins, a pull-car, a drum and his maracas. He eats everything and drinks from a cup with a straw. He is learning some sign language and a few words - I am pretty sure he said cracker and bye the other day. He waves hello and goodbye without coaxing - he is our most social child. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face...well, not at bedtime...he has figured out his curfew is wayyyyy earlier than everyone else. He is savvy that way - not much gets by him.
His emerging "skill" is wrestling - he gets up on his knees and lunges at Luke. Then they wrestle - boy style. I actually can't watch their matches without tears in my eyes. From the moment we told the kids I was pregnant they were certain Jonathan was a boy...especially Luke. Oh - he wanted a brother. I feel like this is what Luke has been waiting for all along - a brother to wrestle with...and love more than I ever dreamed.
I haven't written on my blog for quite a while because I feel like God has laid something on my heart that He wants me to write. Unfortunately, it is not an easy message.
When I was pregnant with all four kids I was offered extensive prenatal blood testing...to detect "problems." One of the most common tests offered was a screen for chromosomal abnormalities, specifically Down Syndrome. I never felt the testing would be of any value until my last pregnancy. At the very beginning of my pregnancy, I convinced myself that at age 40 the tests might provide some useful information. Well, the tests provided information. Inconclusive and anxiety-provoking information. At the 11th week of my pregnancy Craig and I knew that our baby had a 1/16 chance of being born with Down Syndrome. I declined the amniocentesis test, which would have given a definite answer, because of the risk that it would cause a miscarriage. So, we waited for 20 more weeks - praying more than we have EVER prayed in our lives and wondering...what if? Doctors, many of them, soberly looked at us and offered the option of abortion.
And that is the big task God has laid on my heart. I was offered an abortion. A chance to end Jonathan's life...a baby that I willingly created...because he might have a medical condition so bad that it warranted his death. As I write these words the absurdity of the advice/options I received and the information I DID NOT makes my chest tighten. The fact that I received this "counseling" in 2010, in a large American city is...devastating.
I think God wants me to write something that will comfort parents given the information I was given. I was not given any information about Down Syndrome. Ever. Never. I was just told soberly that Jonathan could have the condition. Of course, I googled Down Syndrome and found loads of "helpful" information. But, I'll be honest...it was a little scary. Okay, terrifying. I wish there would have been something from a parent or a family member or a doctor that told me...it was going to be alright.
That is my writing assignment. I am trying to write a letter to expectant parents that let them know it will be okay. That, first and foremost, that Down Syndrome does not warrant a death sentence. It is not the most critical or complicated medical condition a person can be born with. (Jonathan's leukemia diagnosis kind-of drove this home for me). Of course, you can detect it easily. And you can't "cure" it either prenatally or postnatally. But, personally, I'm not sure it needs a "cure." Jonathan has challenges that I don't have...he is struggling to find his words...I have never had that problem. He struggles to gain weight...again, not I. But, there is so much more to Jonathan's life and the joy that he brings to our family than his somewhat minor struggles. He is joyful, smart, energetic, fun, silly and adorable. He is like all our children, and all other children...he just has some extra challenges. All of which our manageable either by medications, therapies, schooling, or unconditional love.
I'm not sure this writing alone would have been enough to quiet my heart when I was pregnant with Jonathan. I'm still refining it. My goal: To collect a hundred stories just like mine and place them in doctor's offices and online for moms-to-be and dads-to-be as an alternative source of information. If you have a story, or know someone who does please let me know. I'm sure there is a mom or dad out there right this minute who needs to know that their baby will be okay; that they will feel joy; that Down Syndrome is not the end of the world.
Love, Jill
Happy Fall!
Summer is over and the big lovelies are all in school. Jonathan and I miss them a lot. Fortunately, Jonathan sleeps all afternoon and I still get to clean-up after the messes the school-aged lovelies leave behind. I DO miss them terribly though - I'm not good at change and going from four children to one is quite a change of pace.
Jonathan was a year-and-a-half on September 4th. Unbelievable. He is doing very well - he flies around the house with his push cart, unloads the pantry, scales the stairs, and... plays in the toilet. Ughhh. He plays with his toys - his favorites are a pig with plastic coins, a pull-car, a drum and his maracas. He eats everything and drinks from a cup with a straw. He is learning some sign language and a few words - I am pretty sure he said cracker and bye the other day. He waves hello and goodbye without coaxing - he is our most social child. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face...well, not at bedtime...he has figured out his curfew is wayyyyy earlier than everyone else. He is savvy that way - not much gets by him.
His emerging "skill" is wrestling - he gets up on his knees and lunges at Luke. Then they wrestle - boy style. I actually can't watch their matches without tears in my eyes. From the moment we told the kids I was pregnant they were certain Jonathan was a boy...especially Luke. Oh - he wanted a brother. I feel like this is what Luke has been waiting for all along - a brother to wrestle with...and love more than I ever dreamed.
I haven't written on my blog for quite a while because I feel like God has laid something on my heart that He wants me to write. Unfortunately, it is not an easy message.
When I was pregnant with all four kids I was offered extensive prenatal blood testing...to detect "problems." One of the most common tests offered was a screen for chromosomal abnormalities, specifically Down Syndrome. I never felt the testing would be of any value until my last pregnancy. At the very beginning of my pregnancy, I convinced myself that at age 40 the tests might provide some useful information. Well, the tests provided information. Inconclusive and anxiety-provoking information. At the 11th week of my pregnancy Craig and I knew that our baby had a 1/16 chance of being born with Down Syndrome. I declined the amniocentesis test, which would have given a definite answer, because of the risk that it would cause a miscarriage. So, we waited for 20 more weeks - praying more than we have EVER prayed in our lives and wondering...what if? Doctors, many of them, soberly looked at us and offered the option of abortion.
And that is the big task God has laid on my heart. I was offered an abortion. A chance to end Jonathan's life...a baby that I willingly created...because he might have a medical condition so bad that it warranted his death. As I write these words the absurdity of the advice/options I received and the information I DID NOT makes my chest tighten. The fact that I received this "counseling" in 2010, in a large American city is...devastating.
I think God wants me to write something that will comfort parents given the information I was given. I was not given any information about Down Syndrome. Ever. Never. I was just told soberly that Jonathan could have the condition. Of course, I googled Down Syndrome and found loads of "helpful" information. But, I'll be honest...it was a little scary. Okay, terrifying. I wish there would have been something from a parent or a family member or a doctor that told me...it was going to be alright.
That is my writing assignment. I am trying to write a letter to expectant parents that let them know it will be okay. That, first and foremost, that Down Syndrome does not warrant a death sentence. It is not the most critical or complicated medical condition a person can be born with. (Jonathan's leukemia diagnosis kind-of drove this home for me). Of course, you can detect it easily. And you can't "cure" it either prenatally or postnatally. But, personally, I'm not sure it needs a "cure." Jonathan has challenges that I don't have...he is struggling to find his words...I have never had that problem. He struggles to gain weight...again, not I. But, there is so much more to Jonathan's life and the joy that he brings to our family than his somewhat minor struggles. He is joyful, smart, energetic, fun, silly and adorable. He is like all our children, and all other children...he just has some extra challenges. All of which our manageable either by medications, therapies, schooling, or unconditional love.
I'm not sure this writing alone would have been enough to quiet my heart when I was pregnant with Jonathan. I'm still refining it. My goal: To collect a hundred stories just like mine and place them in doctor's offices and online for moms-to-be and dads-to-be as an alternative source of information. If you have a story, or know someone who does please let me know. I'm sure there is a mom or dad out there right this minute who needs to know that their baby will be okay; that they will feel joy; that Down Syndrome is not the end of the world.
Love, Jill
Sunday, August 1, 2010
My Typical Backyard
Excerpts from Summer 2010
"Mama, Mama the bunnies are fighting! We need another bunny hut from Fleet Farm!" "Craig, you adopted the bunnies - you need to go get another hut. I have four children, I don't want two bloodied bunnies."
Swish, swish, splash. "Does anyone see Jonathan?" No answer. "Oh fella. No! No! You cannot keep playing in the toilet. Yucky. Germs." Ughhhh...
"Luke, let's play Build-a-Bear school." "Okay. Let's decide who the bad kids will be. Super Frog you are bad - you talk in class and you talk about poop." "Luke, now let's take them outside and give them swimming lessons in the pool." "Okay." Splash. Build-a-Bears float...or, I mean, swim.
10 seconds pass. Silence. "Jonathan. Jonathan, where are you?" Whew, not in the toilet. Oh brother. Sprint to the front hall. "Fella, you are going to get really hurt." "Ahhhhhh - giggle - screech!" "You can't climb the staircase by yourself." "Honey, when you are done with the second bunny hut we need another baby gate..."
We are having quite a summer at our house. Our smallish, urban backyard is filled with an embarrassing amount of kid accessories. Our poor neighbors. And now, in addition to the swingset, sandbox, slip-n-slide, splash table, baby pool, balls, soccer net, bikes, scooters, wagon, baby pink car, and 12 X 12 foot above ground pool -we have two large bunny huts. We adopted two bunnies from the humane society - insane only because we have about twenty bunnies hopping between our yard and the neighbor's yard. I'm not telling them about the hut - I hope they aren't reading this. The bunnies were a "reward" for Abigail - she completed her summer vacation study book. Luke and Marie completed their books weeks ago - unaware that live animals were a possibility they went to Build-a-Bear for more students. Craig and Abigail are in charge of the bunnies - I have been quoting the Bible regarding pet care to them all morning. Please pray for the bunnies - named by their previous owner Winnepeg and Zeus.
It really is amazing what you can fit into and 40 by 40 foot backyard. Of course, I am using the word "fit" with a whole lot of liberties. We started acquiring all these fabulous items because we have been home a lot this summer. In previous years we spent a lot of time at pools and beaches...this year we have a nineteen pound anchor fastening us to the backyard. Jonathan. He is so adorable...and getting smarter by the minute. He won't stay home with our wonderful babysitter without pitching an earsplitting fit. We try to leave him at home in the afternoons - when he is napping for the most part - and go the waterpark or lake. Unfortunately, during the least part of his afternoon -when he wakes up around 3 p.m. - he discovers our absence and screams until we return. I am part frustrated by his antics, and part...so proud...and thankful...and blessed. You see, at this time last year I was not sure Jonathan appreciated how vital I was to his happiness. I say it glibbly now, but it really was hard then. I just wan't sure he know I was his mama, and that, therefore, I was the single most important, favorite, special person in his world. He had been in the hospital for the first nine weeks of his life and learned to trust many loving caregivers. Well, it took him awhile, but sometime last winter he began to realize how amazing I am...and Craig, Abigail, Luke and Marie. And now? Well, we can't leave the house without him. So blessed. And, such a cluttered backyard.
Any predictions on how long the bunnies last??? Remember the hamster and princess castle cage? We have kept a betta that can apparently live without food and/or a bowl change for many, many weeks. (Until I remember the animal care section of the Bible and am guilted into caring for this most durable fish.)
Love,
Jill
"Mama, Mama the bunnies are fighting! We need another bunny hut from Fleet Farm!" "Craig, you adopted the bunnies - you need to go get another hut. I have four children, I don't want two bloodied bunnies."
Swish, swish, splash. "Does anyone see Jonathan?" No answer. "Oh fella. No! No! You cannot keep playing in the toilet. Yucky. Germs." Ughhhh...
"Luke, let's play Build-a-Bear school." "Okay. Let's decide who the bad kids will be. Super Frog you are bad - you talk in class and you talk about poop." "Luke, now let's take them outside and give them swimming lessons in the pool." "Okay." Splash. Build-a-Bears float...or, I mean, swim.
10 seconds pass. Silence. "Jonathan. Jonathan, where are you?" Whew, not in the toilet. Oh brother. Sprint to the front hall. "Fella, you are going to get really hurt." "Ahhhhhh - giggle - screech!" "You can't climb the staircase by yourself." "Honey, when you are done with the second bunny hut we need another baby gate..."
We are having quite a summer at our house. Our smallish, urban backyard is filled with an embarrassing amount of kid accessories. Our poor neighbors. And now, in addition to the swingset, sandbox, slip-n-slide, splash table, baby pool, balls, soccer net, bikes, scooters, wagon, baby pink car, and 12 X 12 foot above ground pool -we have two large bunny huts. We adopted two bunnies from the humane society - insane only because we have about twenty bunnies hopping between our yard and the neighbor's yard. I'm not telling them about the hut - I hope they aren't reading this. The bunnies were a "reward" for Abigail - she completed her summer vacation study book. Luke and Marie completed their books weeks ago - unaware that live animals were a possibility they went to Build-a-Bear for more students. Craig and Abigail are in charge of the bunnies - I have been quoting the Bible regarding pet care to them all morning. Please pray for the bunnies - named by their previous owner Winnepeg and Zeus.
It really is amazing what you can fit into and 40 by 40 foot backyard. Of course, I am using the word "fit" with a whole lot of liberties. We started acquiring all these fabulous items because we have been home a lot this summer. In previous years we spent a lot of time at pools and beaches...this year we have a nineteen pound anchor fastening us to the backyard. Jonathan. He is so adorable...and getting smarter by the minute. He won't stay home with our wonderful babysitter without pitching an earsplitting fit. We try to leave him at home in the afternoons - when he is napping for the most part - and go the waterpark or lake. Unfortunately, during the least part of his afternoon -when he wakes up around 3 p.m. - he discovers our absence and screams until we return. I am part frustrated by his antics, and part...so proud...and thankful...and blessed. You see, at this time last year I was not sure Jonathan appreciated how vital I was to his happiness. I say it glibbly now, but it really was hard then. I just wan't sure he know I was his mama, and that, therefore, I was the single most important, favorite, special person in his world. He had been in the hospital for the first nine weeks of his life and learned to trust many loving caregivers. Well, it took him awhile, but sometime last winter he began to realize how amazing I am...and Craig, Abigail, Luke and Marie. And now? Well, we can't leave the house without him. So blessed. And, such a cluttered backyard.
Any predictions on how long the bunnies last??? Remember the hamster and princess castle cage? We have kept a betta that can apparently live without food and/or a bowl change for many, many weeks. (Until I remember the animal care section of the Bible and am guilted into caring for this most durable fish.)
Love,
Jill
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I Will Teach Your Children
Hi -
Summer has been slightly crazy so far for our family. We have been camping and on a wild trip up North for the Fourth of July. Now we are just hanging out. Luke and Marie are playing "Build-a-Bear" and fireworks store; Abigail is making earrings to sell; and Jonathan is taking a long summers nap.
One of the main reasons I started writing this blog (and my book project) was to record how God has magnificently stepped into our lives and met our every need since Jonathan was born. His presence in all our lives has been so obvious and glorious it takes my breath away...and usually makes me cry...like right now.
In the hours and days after Jonathan was born I was filled with fear. I was afraid for Jonathan's life and for his faraway future...and everything in between. My other biggest fear was how Jonathan's disability would affect Abigail, Luke and Marie. Immediately, I felt guilty for becoming pregnant at an age when I knew problems were a real possibility. I also felt great sadness for them because they had really, really wanted a baby brother. A baby brother they could play with and teach things to and love. I guess I didn't know if Jonathan would ever be able to meet any of those desires as he laid in his isolette with a dozen tubes coming out of his body. I was worried about how his needs would impact the life they had come to know. Would we go on vacations? Would we go out to eat? Then the real biggies. What would their friends think of Jonathan? Would they make fun of him? How would this impact Abigail, Luke and Marie? How was I going to save them from the hurt I saw coming? And finally, how would I ever tell them what Down Syndrome was and how it would effect Jonathan.
You know, I have never figured out the answers to those questions. But, without fail, as each issue presented itself, God presented himself and used that fateful moment to show His glory and goodness. There are at least a dozen of these times I could write about - I wrote about the American Idol episode earlier this year. From now on, I will write them all because they are such a powerful example of how much God loves My Lovelies. In fact, His rescue of My Lovelies has been the closest I have ever felt Him in my life. It will be the evidence I turn to when I feel discouraged or forgotten for the rest of my life. I guess that makes it worth sharing.
Abigail and Marie went to vacation Bible School the week after school was out...Luke went to Football Camp. (Someday he is going to be a professional football player for two years - why only two years? - "because you get bloody after that mama.") When I dropped Abigail off at her room I looked in and saw a boy with Down Syndrome. My heart skipped a few beats and I prayed the rest of the morning. There were twelve kids in the room so she was going to meet him. She had never met a child her own age with Down Syndrome. When I picked her up that day she said, "Mama, there is a boy named Ben in my class with Down Syndrome." And that was it. I forced myself not to pry. I wanted to see what she would say. And I was afraid of hearing what I thought she was thinking. Well, the week went on...and on...and on. Each day, she would share a little bit of information about Ben. The next day she said, "Mama, Ben has a twin brother in my class. Ben is alot like Jonathan; he just smiles so big when his brother comes in the room." The next day, she said, "Ben wasn't at vbs because he had to go to his special school for speech...just like Jonathan." On Thursday she came home and reported that she always gives the ball to Ben during games, but he never knows what to do with it. She said sometimes he takes the ball and runs. "Mama, will Jonathan run with the ball?" I told her I wasn't sure. She said she hoped he wouldn't because people got mad. But she wasn't mad. After vbs was over, I asked her if she was glad Ben was in her class . She gave me the most unexpected answer. She said, "Why? I don't care about stuff like that. That is what grown-ups care about." "What do you mean?" "I don't care about Down Syndrome. He was hyper and funny. So I liked him." And that was the end of vbs.
Truthfully, I never would have put Abigail in that class - unless I was the teacher and could have monitored everything that went on. But, God put her there and He took care of everything. He taught her that week; oh, and he taught me, he is always teaching me. Thank-you my mighty God for taking care of My Lovelies. Please keep building their hearts and minds.
One more story. This weekend we went on our nutty Fourth of July trip. I will write about that later - it was part memory lane and part fireworks. During the enjoyable fireworks part Craig and Abigail took Jonathan to a bakery while I watched Luke and Marie swim. When they came to meet us at the pool, Abigail came bounding up and shouted, "I got a dollar from a man at the bakery who said Jonathan was a miracle baby." I looked at Craig, "What happened?" "A man walked up and told us he had been watching Jonathan eat his bread and drink from his straw. He said he works with children with Down Syndrome and that Jonathan is a one-in-million little boy. A miracle baby. Then he looked at Abigail and told her she was beautiful and that she was being a great big sister. Then he gave her a dollar bill." "Mama, why are you crying? Giggle. You always cry about this stuff." That's my Abigail. I do always cry about this stuff. Because it is HUGE. Because every instance is a blessing which brings me to my knees. Why us? Why has He taken us under His mighty wings? This kind-of stuff just doesn't happen to everybody. And He answers..."Because he loves me", says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. Psalm 91:14-15. Because she loves me. That is why. I do love Him. I'm not perfect - never, ever have been - but, I have always loved Him. Never more than at this moment. Psalm 91. God's words in this Psalm saved my heart from shattering in a million pieces on the hardest day of my life. In fact, if I ever finish the book and if any company publishes it, I will entitle it "Because She Loves Me."
Well, that is it for now. If you have time please lift a prayer for my beautiful Nigerian friend from Woodland Hills (I'm not sure I should use her name) she is flying to Nigeria today with her four children. Specifically, pray that God will calm her daughter through this long journey.
Happy Summer -
Jill
Summer has been slightly crazy so far for our family. We have been camping and on a wild trip up North for the Fourth of July. Now we are just hanging out. Luke and Marie are playing "Build-a-Bear" and fireworks store; Abigail is making earrings to sell; and Jonathan is taking a long summers nap.
One of the main reasons I started writing this blog (and my book project) was to record how God has magnificently stepped into our lives and met our every need since Jonathan was born. His presence in all our lives has been so obvious and glorious it takes my breath away...and usually makes me cry...like right now.
In the hours and days after Jonathan was born I was filled with fear. I was afraid for Jonathan's life and for his faraway future...and everything in between. My other biggest fear was how Jonathan's disability would affect Abigail, Luke and Marie. Immediately, I felt guilty for becoming pregnant at an age when I knew problems were a real possibility. I also felt great sadness for them because they had really, really wanted a baby brother. A baby brother they could play with and teach things to and love. I guess I didn't know if Jonathan would ever be able to meet any of those desires as he laid in his isolette with a dozen tubes coming out of his body. I was worried about how his needs would impact the life they had come to know. Would we go on vacations? Would we go out to eat? Then the real biggies. What would their friends think of Jonathan? Would they make fun of him? How would this impact Abigail, Luke and Marie? How was I going to save them from the hurt I saw coming? And finally, how would I ever tell them what Down Syndrome was and how it would effect Jonathan.
You know, I have never figured out the answers to those questions. But, without fail, as each issue presented itself, God presented himself and used that fateful moment to show His glory and goodness. There are at least a dozen of these times I could write about - I wrote about the American Idol episode earlier this year. From now on, I will write them all because they are such a powerful example of how much God loves My Lovelies. In fact, His rescue of My Lovelies has been the closest I have ever felt Him in my life. It will be the evidence I turn to when I feel discouraged or forgotten for the rest of my life. I guess that makes it worth sharing.
Abigail and Marie went to vacation Bible School the week after school was out...Luke went to Football Camp. (Someday he is going to be a professional football player for two years - why only two years? - "because you get bloody after that mama.") When I dropped Abigail off at her room I looked in and saw a boy with Down Syndrome. My heart skipped a few beats and I prayed the rest of the morning. There were twelve kids in the room so she was going to meet him. She had never met a child her own age with Down Syndrome. When I picked her up that day she said, "Mama, there is a boy named Ben in my class with Down Syndrome." And that was it. I forced myself not to pry. I wanted to see what she would say. And I was afraid of hearing what I thought she was thinking. Well, the week went on...and on...and on. Each day, she would share a little bit of information about Ben. The next day she said, "Mama, Ben has a twin brother in my class. Ben is alot like Jonathan; he just smiles so big when his brother comes in the room." The next day, she said, "Ben wasn't at vbs because he had to go to his special school for speech...just like Jonathan." On Thursday she came home and reported that she always gives the ball to Ben during games, but he never knows what to do with it. She said sometimes he takes the ball and runs. "Mama, will Jonathan run with the ball?" I told her I wasn't sure. She said she hoped he wouldn't because people got mad. But she wasn't mad. After vbs was over, I asked her if she was glad Ben was in her class . She gave me the most unexpected answer. She said, "Why? I don't care about stuff like that. That is what grown-ups care about." "What do you mean?" "I don't care about Down Syndrome. He was hyper and funny. So I liked him." And that was the end of vbs.
Truthfully, I never would have put Abigail in that class - unless I was the teacher and could have monitored everything that went on. But, God put her there and He took care of everything. He taught her that week; oh, and he taught me, he is always teaching me. Thank-you my mighty God for taking care of My Lovelies. Please keep building their hearts and minds.
One more story. This weekend we went on our nutty Fourth of July trip. I will write about that later - it was part memory lane and part fireworks. During the enjoyable fireworks part Craig and Abigail took Jonathan to a bakery while I watched Luke and Marie swim. When they came to meet us at the pool, Abigail came bounding up and shouted, "I got a dollar from a man at the bakery who said Jonathan was a miracle baby." I looked at Craig, "What happened?" "A man walked up and told us he had been watching Jonathan eat his bread and drink from his straw. He said he works with children with Down Syndrome and that Jonathan is a one-in-million little boy. A miracle baby. Then he looked at Abigail and told her she was beautiful and that she was being a great big sister. Then he gave her a dollar bill." "Mama, why are you crying? Giggle. You always cry about this stuff." That's my Abigail. I do always cry about this stuff. Because it is HUGE. Because every instance is a blessing which brings me to my knees. Why us? Why has He taken us under His mighty wings? This kind-of stuff just doesn't happen to everybody. And He answers..."Because he loves me", says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. Psalm 91:14-15. Because she loves me. That is why. I do love Him. I'm not perfect - never, ever have been - but, I have always loved Him. Never more than at this moment. Psalm 91. God's words in this Psalm saved my heart from shattering in a million pieces on the hardest day of my life. In fact, if I ever finish the book and if any company publishes it, I will entitle it "Because She Loves Me."
Well, that is it for now. If you have time please lift a prayer for my beautiful Nigerian friend from Woodland Hills (I'm not sure I should use her name) she is flying to Nigeria today with her four children. Specifically, pray that God will calm her daughter through this long journey.
Happy Summer -
Jill
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Scandalous Love
Happy Sunday!
I had a morning at church today. This past year has been an unsettled year for us as far as church attendance at our regular church, North Heights. Jonathan was sick, and or medically fragile, for most of the last year and we tried to avoid the particularly germy places, i.e. Chuck-e-Cheese and the church nursery. For the last few months, we have gone back to the church we went to for many years - Woodland Hills Church in Maplewood, MN.
Today, we all piled into one of the back rows in the sanctuary. After a while, Jonathan got a tiny bit wiggly and Craig took him out - with Abigail and Luke hot on his trail. Marie and I stayed and listened to Greg Boyd deliver a sermon in his Scandalous Love series. About 10 minutes into his sermon I heard some noise in the back and noticed a mother with two older girls and a baby Jonathan's age. One of the daughters was struggling and making some noise - the next thing I knew she was coming right toward me. She sat down next to and held my hand and tried to talk...but her words were garbled and hard to understand. I rubbed her back and looked into her eyes and she seemed to calm down. Soon her mom and two sisters came over and sat down by us. Her mom apologized and I told her it was okay...and I meant it with all my heart. Her daughter was still squeezing my hand and was now going through her alphabet flash cards with me. Her mom told me her daughter was nine years old and had some developmental delays.
The service went on and this young woman continued to not-so-quietly practice her letter sounds with Marie and I. Just a note: one of the many beautiful things about Woodland Hills is that at no point did anyone turn and scowl at us - in fact, the opposite happened, the young man in front of us turned and smiled and so did the elderly ladies next to us. I was so thankful because this woman clearly had a hard time getting her girls to church - and keeping them there.
As time passed, she commented on how I was missing the whole sermon. I said it was okay. I was thinking to myself that the whole sermon was about God's scandalous love for us - and something about us being a black hole - whatever it was about, this young girl needed my love. As she struggled to talk and think of the letter sound for "B" I could barely hold it together. I kept thinking of Jonathan and his present struggle to talk and wondering if he would have letter cards in church when he was nine. After her mom apologized again, I held back a few tears and told her that my little Jonathan had Down Syndrome and that he was out in the lobby with my husband. She smiled and said she was sorry. (FYI - I'm okay when people say they are sorry - it is a very common response - just KNOW that I am not sorry).
Well, the service went on and the whole time I was thinking about how helpful I was being to this young girl and her mom. Good grief. After the service ended her mother grabbed my hands and asked if we could pray together. I said yes, of course. (As Marie tugged my arm and her daughter wrestled for freedom). This beautiful woman didn't pray for her daughter, or thank God for putting her next to someone who would be okay with a distraction this Sunday. She prayed for Jonathan. She prayed that he would be blessed, be healthy, be free of developmental delays, etc., etc, etc. I was crying and soon my whole family was standing there wondering what one earth was going on. I couldn't understand all she prayed for today - her accent was thick and between her daughter and my lovelies I had a hard time concentrating. Praise God - she didn't. She prayed loudly and boldly through it all. After she finished - I never said a word - she left me speechless - we introduced eachother and agreed that we would sit together in that back pew next week.
I can still smell her perfume on my hands as I type these words. I don't want to wash my hands because I don't want the memory of this encounter to fade away. I am so thankful this young woman came and sat by ME. Woodland Hills is a very big church and while it is unlikely she would have ambled to the front of the auditorium, she could have chosen one of the other hundred or so seats in the back. (It wasn't so crowded today). I would like to think that God directed her to me - and my family. Marie was very patient with her and Luke was - I'm honestly not sure - he was preoccupied with getting to the candy machine by the exit door. Abigail had a harder time. The young girl grabbed her wrist and took her water bottle away. Abigail was very startled and started to cry. We talked about it after church, and I think she understands now - but it is hard. She understands many things she didn't even know existed at this time last year. I'm just praying that she always goes to God with her fears and concerns.
Anyway, that was my morning. Maybe I will listen to the sermon on the internet, but even if I don't it was the best church service I have been to in years. Thank-you God.
Love,
Jill
I had a morning at church today. This past year has been an unsettled year for us as far as church attendance at our regular church, North Heights. Jonathan was sick, and or medically fragile, for most of the last year and we tried to avoid the particularly germy places, i.e. Chuck-e-Cheese and the church nursery. For the last few months, we have gone back to the church we went to for many years - Woodland Hills Church in Maplewood, MN.
Today, we all piled into one of the back rows in the sanctuary. After a while, Jonathan got a tiny bit wiggly and Craig took him out - with Abigail and Luke hot on his trail. Marie and I stayed and listened to Greg Boyd deliver a sermon in his Scandalous Love series. About 10 minutes into his sermon I heard some noise in the back and noticed a mother with two older girls and a baby Jonathan's age. One of the daughters was struggling and making some noise - the next thing I knew she was coming right toward me. She sat down next to and held my hand and tried to talk...but her words were garbled and hard to understand. I rubbed her back and looked into her eyes and she seemed to calm down. Soon her mom and two sisters came over and sat down by us. Her mom apologized and I told her it was okay...and I meant it with all my heart. Her daughter was still squeezing my hand and was now going through her alphabet flash cards with me. Her mom told me her daughter was nine years old and had some developmental delays.
The service went on and this young woman continued to not-so-quietly practice her letter sounds with Marie and I. Just a note: one of the many beautiful things about Woodland Hills is that at no point did anyone turn and scowl at us - in fact, the opposite happened, the young man in front of us turned and smiled and so did the elderly ladies next to us. I was so thankful because this woman clearly had a hard time getting her girls to church - and keeping them there.
As time passed, she commented on how I was missing the whole sermon. I said it was okay. I was thinking to myself that the whole sermon was about God's scandalous love for us - and something about us being a black hole - whatever it was about, this young girl needed my love. As she struggled to talk and think of the letter sound for "B" I could barely hold it together. I kept thinking of Jonathan and his present struggle to talk and wondering if he would have letter cards in church when he was nine. After her mom apologized again, I held back a few tears and told her that my little Jonathan had Down Syndrome and that he was out in the lobby with my husband. She smiled and said she was sorry. (FYI - I'm okay when people say they are sorry - it is a very common response - just KNOW that I am not sorry).
Well, the service went on and the whole time I was thinking about how helpful I was being to this young girl and her mom. Good grief. After the service ended her mother grabbed my hands and asked if we could pray together. I said yes, of course. (As Marie tugged my arm and her daughter wrestled for freedom). This beautiful woman didn't pray for her daughter, or thank God for putting her next to someone who would be okay with a distraction this Sunday. She prayed for Jonathan. She prayed that he would be blessed, be healthy, be free of developmental delays, etc., etc, etc. I was crying and soon my whole family was standing there wondering what one earth was going on. I couldn't understand all she prayed for today - her accent was thick and between her daughter and my lovelies I had a hard time concentrating. Praise God - she didn't. She prayed loudly and boldly through it all. After she finished - I never said a word - she left me speechless - we introduced eachother and agreed that we would sit together in that back pew next week.
I can still smell her perfume on my hands as I type these words. I don't want to wash my hands because I don't want the memory of this encounter to fade away. I am so thankful this young woman came and sat by ME. Woodland Hills is a very big church and while it is unlikely she would have ambled to the front of the auditorium, she could have chosen one of the other hundred or so seats in the back. (It wasn't so crowded today). I would like to think that God directed her to me - and my family. Marie was very patient with her and Luke was - I'm honestly not sure - he was preoccupied with getting to the candy machine by the exit door. Abigail had a harder time. The young girl grabbed her wrist and took her water bottle away. Abigail was very startled and started to cry. We talked about it after church, and I think she understands now - but it is hard. She understands many things she didn't even know existed at this time last year. I'm just praying that she always goes to God with her fears and concerns.
Anyway, that was my morning. Maybe I will listen to the sermon on the internet, but even if I don't it was the best church service I have been to in years. Thank-you God.
Love,
Jill
Monday, May 10, 2010
My Treasure
Children are a gift from the Lord; babies are a reward.
Psalm 127:3 (NCV)
I am so lucky to have four presents from the Lord! They are so beautiful and fun and loving...what else could a girl want?
Well, they gave me an extra special Mother's Day present this year. And they are all enjoying it thoroughly. Craig declared this "The Year of Fun" when buying the present. Any ideas? Don't even try...you'll never guess.
Craig loves to surf around on Craig's list. For tools, books, large saws, trailers...all kinds of stuff he "needs." On the flip side, Craig loves to research all life's major purchases(think ovens), and minor purchases(think vacuums),in Consumer Reports. I was never quite sure how these purchasing approaches could be reconciled until he bought my Mother's Day present this year.
Craig found my Mother's Day present on Craig's List this year...nope, not a chainsaw. We drove about 45 minutes north to a small town and there it was. A butter-yellow VW convertible. It was sitting in the driveway of one of those car dealerships you drive buy and think "Who on earth would buy a car there?" We pulled into the "dealership" and all six of us piled out of the minivan. The kids immediately ran to the beetle, opened the doors and hopped in. The apparent owner of the dealership came out and just handed me the keys - he didn't even ask my name. Just told me to take it for a spin. So I did. The three oldest kids screeched and hollered the whole time. When we went back Craig had discussed the previous life the VW. The most-friendly-nonaggressive-carsalesman on the planet told us the VW had sustained smoke damage from a house fire while parked in the attached garage. Hmmm - we didn't smell anything - I guess the roof was down. Oh well. He degreased the outside and it looked good to us. We bought it three hours later with a personal check. No inspections, no Consumer Reports, no months and months of discussions about the purchase.
We have already logged 200+ miles on B.B. (The kids named the car - I thought it stood for Beetle Bug, they said it stands for Beetle Butt...ughhhh...that genre of humor is our unfortunate mainstay right now - maybe we can rename it in a few years...)
Anyway, we are having fun in B.B. during our self-proclaimed Year of Fun.
Love,
Jill
Psalm 127:3 (NCV)
I am so lucky to have four presents from the Lord! They are so beautiful and fun and loving...what else could a girl want?
Well, they gave me an extra special Mother's Day present this year. And they are all enjoying it thoroughly. Craig declared this "The Year of Fun" when buying the present. Any ideas? Don't even try...you'll never guess.
Craig loves to surf around on Craig's list. For tools, books, large saws, trailers...all kinds of stuff he "needs." On the flip side, Craig loves to research all life's major purchases(think ovens), and minor purchases(think vacuums),in Consumer Reports. I was never quite sure how these purchasing approaches could be reconciled until he bought my Mother's Day present this year.
Craig found my Mother's Day present on Craig's List this year...nope, not a chainsaw. We drove about 45 minutes north to a small town and there it was. A butter-yellow VW convertible. It was sitting in the driveway of one of those car dealerships you drive buy and think "Who on earth would buy a car there?" We pulled into the "dealership" and all six of us piled out of the minivan. The kids immediately ran to the beetle, opened the doors and hopped in. The apparent owner of the dealership came out and just handed me the keys - he didn't even ask my name. Just told me to take it for a spin. So I did. The three oldest kids screeched and hollered the whole time. When we went back Craig had discussed the previous life the VW. The most-friendly-nonaggressive-carsalesman on the planet told us the VW had sustained smoke damage from a house fire while parked in the attached garage. Hmmm - we didn't smell anything - I guess the roof was down. Oh well. He degreased the outside and it looked good to us. We bought it three hours later with a personal check. No inspections, no Consumer Reports, no months and months of discussions about the purchase.
We have already logged 200+ miles on B.B. (The kids named the car - I thought it stood for Beetle Bug, they said it stands for Beetle Butt...ughhhh...that genre of humor is our unfortunate mainstay right now - maybe we can rename it in a few years...)
Anyway, we are having fun in B.B. during our self-proclaimed Year of Fun.
Love,
Jill
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
One Year
Happy One Year Birthday Jonathan!
I have been waiting to write an entry worthy of Jonathan's first year of life...but the words just won't come. In sum: What a year. What else can you say? Our little fella has covered more ground in the first twelve months of his life here on earth than most people cover in a lifetime. He has overcome obstacles of every variety, touched people's souls and emerged with a smile on his face.
I obviously can't chronicle every moment of Jonathan's last year in my blog - although I am recording it all for a book that maybe no one but Jonathan and I will enjoy...oh, I know my Lord will because it is, at the end of the day, all about His mercy, love, and power. Here is a tiny glimpse into the journey we have been traveling on for the last year-and-a-half.
On Valentine's Day, 2009, our family left for a vacation to Sanibel Island, Florida. I am completely irrational about my trip to the "White Beach" every year. I would live on the White Beach if I could think of a workable way to fund my family's life there. It is just slower...and warmer...and simpler. So, even though I was courting a high risk pregnancy there was no way I was missing my trip. I knew, when we planned the trip that January that something big was coming. I just knew - even though I would not admit it to myself - God had spoken to me. I just couldn't bear to process His words.
We had a great four days on the island. We swam and I discovered for the first time, during pregnancy no. 4 that a big belly feels weightless underwater. My heart was heavy during the trip with the anticipation of the final months of my pregnancy. You see, there are many words I could find to describe myself, but patient is not one of them. I still marvel that I made it 31 weeks to see the end of pregnancy and the learn the answer to the question of Jonathan's health. It is unprecedented patience for me. I used to search out my presents as a child weeks before Christmas. I still do.
On the final night of our trip there I went onto the beach at nightfall - my favorite time (everything goes gray - it is very cool) - and prayed. My prayers were of absolute desperation as I begged God not to let Jonathan have any affliction that would rob him of the life I wanted him to have. I remember kneeling in the sand - conscious of what others might think - but going ahead anyway because I refused to hold back any of my request. I cried...heaving sobs...and begged for God's mercy. After about 30 minutes I got up - I don't remember any people on the beach - and I felt like I had finally done it. I had prayed this same prayer so many times I was done. I wasn't going to ask God again. I know I had exhausted Him with my request and amazingly, I had even tired of it myself. I walked back to the hotel room and never prayed that prayer again. Jonathan was born on Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 2:46pm. Within minutes after his birth I learned that he most likely had Down Syndrome. Several hours later I learned he had a rare form of leukemia. Two days later he had a gastrointestinal bleed that could have taken his life. And one month later, on April 4th, 2009, I listened to a doctor tell me that Jonathan would likely die in the next few days.
But. That is not the end of the story. That is the really hard, really painful, really make-you-wonder-why-you-are-reading this blog story. The story just began on those days. A real life story of miraculous deliverance for Jonathan (he is alive and healthy today and by every measure available doing "phenomenal") and for me.
We went back to the White Beach last week - same hotel, same beach. I told you, I am not rational about this. The first thing I did when we got there was walk out to that beach. It all looked exactly the same. But I am not. I cried a few minutes. I thanked God for being there for me...and of course, Jonathan. I did ask him "Why?" I also thanked him for not answering my annoying prayer that He was forced to listen to daily for nearly 7 months. I am sorry about that. I have come to imagine God feeling the way I feel when Luke asks me endlessly for candy, or Abigail for presents, or Marie for play dates. Ughhh...I was annoying. I am glad He has more willpower than me. More wisdom than me. A better plan than me. I still feel pain, mostly worry, today but I wouldn't change a thing. And if anything did change I would be devastated. It is strange - almost inexplicable. To want something to not be so desperately, but to know its loss would be unbearable.
Anyway, I felt a circle close at that moment. The rest of our vacation was the same as all our vacations there. Sunny, warm and simple. And filled with a little wonder. We stayed at a pretty big resort complex with quite a few condo buildings...it is a popular choice for families with young children. On the first day we were there Craig asked me if I saw the little three year old boy with dark hair in front of us on the beach. Abigail perked up and said "Mama he has Down Syndrome - look at his ears!" She was right, he did. A sweet little boy from Germany on a cozy Florida beach. Seeing one boy with Down Syndrome is not so remarkable, but we saw 7 more children in our resort during the next few days. The next day a boy named Jake (from Edina) was swimming in the pool when we arrived - he was 13 and he has Down Syndrome. It took our budding geneticist about 25 seconds to spot Jake. Then we spotted a five year old girl with Down Syndrome in the shallow end and another 12 year old girl with Down Syndrome sitting on a pool chair. Amazingly, this was not a big pool. There were only 11 kids - including mine - swimming in the pool. Craig I talked to Jake's mom for awhile and met his beautiful older sister. (Note: I have yet to meet a person whose sibling has Down Syndrome that does not radiate a peaceful, loving joy. I know they are there, but my experience so far has been an answer to prayer.) Two hours later we went down to the beach to find starfish stranded on the sandbar and there was another teenage boy with Down Syndrome standing at the water's edge. Finally, on the last night of our stay we met a five year old boy with Down Syndrome and his three older siblings.
Craig and I are still trying to process this unusual occurrence. I am trying to figure out if God was behind the convergence of all these families, or if it was just a happening. If He was trying to help out our older three by showing them more, or if it was all a fluke. I guess it doesn't matter. Halfway through the vacation I wondered what I would have thought if it had happened last year. I probably would have gone into labor. Maybe God was behind this timing.
Well, there is a snippet into our lives this past year. We are blessed - all six of us - beyond our comprehension. I'll write again when Jonathan takes his first steps - which, miraculously, will probably be before when his first birthday should have been...May 1, 2010.
Thank-you Father -
Jill
I have been waiting to write an entry worthy of Jonathan's first year of life...but the words just won't come. In sum: What a year. What else can you say? Our little fella has covered more ground in the first twelve months of his life here on earth than most people cover in a lifetime. He has overcome obstacles of every variety, touched people's souls and emerged with a smile on his face.
I obviously can't chronicle every moment of Jonathan's last year in my blog - although I am recording it all for a book that maybe no one but Jonathan and I will enjoy...oh, I know my Lord will because it is, at the end of the day, all about His mercy, love, and power. Here is a tiny glimpse into the journey we have been traveling on for the last year-and-a-half.
On Valentine's Day, 2009, our family left for a vacation to Sanibel Island, Florida. I am completely irrational about my trip to the "White Beach" every year. I would live on the White Beach if I could think of a workable way to fund my family's life there. It is just slower...and warmer...and simpler. So, even though I was courting a high risk pregnancy there was no way I was missing my trip. I knew, when we planned the trip that January that something big was coming. I just knew - even though I would not admit it to myself - God had spoken to me. I just couldn't bear to process His words.
We had a great four days on the island. We swam and I discovered for the first time, during pregnancy no. 4 that a big belly feels weightless underwater. My heart was heavy during the trip with the anticipation of the final months of my pregnancy. You see, there are many words I could find to describe myself, but patient is not one of them. I still marvel that I made it 31 weeks to see the end of pregnancy and the learn the answer to the question of Jonathan's health. It is unprecedented patience for me. I used to search out my presents as a child weeks before Christmas. I still do.
On the final night of our trip there I went onto the beach at nightfall - my favorite time (everything goes gray - it is very cool) - and prayed. My prayers were of absolute desperation as I begged God not to let Jonathan have any affliction that would rob him of the life I wanted him to have. I remember kneeling in the sand - conscious of what others might think - but going ahead anyway because I refused to hold back any of my request. I cried...heaving sobs...and begged for God's mercy. After about 30 minutes I got up - I don't remember any people on the beach - and I felt like I had finally done it. I had prayed this same prayer so many times I was done. I wasn't going to ask God again. I know I had exhausted Him with my request and amazingly, I had even tired of it myself. I walked back to the hotel room and never prayed that prayer again. Jonathan was born on Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 2:46pm. Within minutes after his birth I learned that he most likely had Down Syndrome. Several hours later I learned he had a rare form of leukemia. Two days later he had a gastrointestinal bleed that could have taken his life. And one month later, on April 4th, 2009, I listened to a doctor tell me that Jonathan would likely die in the next few days.
But. That is not the end of the story. That is the really hard, really painful, really make-you-wonder-why-you-are-reading this blog story. The story just began on those days. A real life story of miraculous deliverance for Jonathan (he is alive and healthy today and by every measure available doing "phenomenal") and for me.
We went back to the White Beach last week - same hotel, same beach. I told you, I am not rational about this. The first thing I did when we got there was walk out to that beach. It all looked exactly the same. But I am not. I cried a few minutes. I thanked God for being there for me...and of course, Jonathan. I did ask him "Why?" I also thanked him for not answering my annoying prayer that He was forced to listen to daily for nearly 7 months. I am sorry about that. I have come to imagine God feeling the way I feel when Luke asks me endlessly for candy, or Abigail for presents, or Marie for play dates. Ughhh...I was annoying. I am glad He has more willpower than me. More wisdom than me. A better plan than me. I still feel pain, mostly worry, today but I wouldn't change a thing. And if anything did change I would be devastated. It is strange - almost inexplicable. To want something to not be so desperately, but to know its loss would be unbearable.
Anyway, I felt a circle close at that moment. The rest of our vacation was the same as all our vacations there. Sunny, warm and simple. And filled with a little wonder. We stayed at a pretty big resort complex with quite a few condo buildings...it is a popular choice for families with young children. On the first day we were there Craig asked me if I saw the little three year old boy with dark hair in front of us on the beach. Abigail perked up and said "Mama he has Down Syndrome - look at his ears!" She was right, he did. A sweet little boy from Germany on a cozy Florida beach. Seeing one boy with Down Syndrome is not so remarkable, but we saw 7 more children in our resort during the next few days. The next day a boy named Jake (from Edina) was swimming in the pool when we arrived - he was 13 and he has Down Syndrome. It took our budding geneticist about 25 seconds to spot Jake. Then we spotted a five year old girl with Down Syndrome in the shallow end and another 12 year old girl with Down Syndrome sitting on a pool chair. Amazingly, this was not a big pool. There were only 11 kids - including mine - swimming in the pool. Craig I talked to Jake's mom for awhile and met his beautiful older sister. (Note: I have yet to meet a person whose sibling has Down Syndrome that does not radiate a peaceful, loving joy. I know they are there, but my experience so far has been an answer to prayer.) Two hours later we went down to the beach to find starfish stranded on the sandbar and there was another teenage boy with Down Syndrome standing at the water's edge. Finally, on the last night of our stay we met a five year old boy with Down Syndrome and his three older siblings.
Craig and I are still trying to process this unusual occurrence. I am trying to figure out if God was behind the convergence of all these families, or if it was just a happening. If He was trying to help out our older three by showing them more, or if it was all a fluke. I guess it doesn't matter. Halfway through the vacation I wondered what I would have thought if it had happened last year. I probably would have gone into labor. Maybe God was behind this timing.
Well, there is a snippet into our lives this past year. We are blessed - all six of us - beyond our comprehension. I'll write again when Jonathan takes his first steps - which, miraculously, will probably be before when his first birthday should have been...May 1, 2010.
Thank-you Father -
Jill
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Jesus Has Our Backs
Happy 2010!
Starting at Thanksgiving and ending today is the busiest time of the year for our family. We travel to visit our families in Iowa for the holidays and then Luke and Abigail celebrate their birthdays on January 7th (Luke) and January (13th). This year was a little busier than usual because, for the first time since last May, our family got sick - about 5 days before Christmas. Marie and Abigail are still sick with coughs and diarrhea. You know, for some people this might be discouraging (and it is a little - it has been 4 weeks), but for the most part I am just thankful for nearly seven months of good health. We never got a sniffle - Jonathan never got a sniffle - for seven months. That is HUGE in a home with four children under age eight.
Marie is asleep on the sofa right now so I wanted to write about how God has been moving in our lives lately.
On the same fifth day before Christmas that Luke brought sickness home from school, Jonathan's oncology blood tests came back with some scary results. The test showed that his red blood cells are enlarged - this condition is known as myelodsysplasia, a rare form of leukemia. (Jonathan has a 65% chance that he will develop leukemia before he reaches age five - hence the frequent blood checks.) I have always known this risk, but until the red blood cell flag waved in front of me I believed with my whole heart that it would never happen to my sweet fella. I was devastated and scared - pretty much senseless. I have a pretty good imagination so my fears were getting the best of me. I researched insanely on the computer and am very confident in my knowledge regarding myelodysplasia - it is not something you want to be diagnosed with. By the time Christmas was over and we were home I was preparing for the worst, i.e. months of chemotherapy.
Throughout this "vacation", all three of the older lovelies were sick. Jonathan had a mild cough, but never got "sick." I was convinced we had H1N1 - Jonathan was the only one who was vaccinated for H1N1. Nope. On the first day the older three went back to school, Jonathan got diarrhea and a bigger cough. By Thursday, January 7th he was in the hospital with pneumonia. The hospitalization, while depressing and, well, exhausting, was an answer to my pleading Christmas prayers to God. While Jonathan was in the hospital the oncology team became involved and after I cross-examined them (and displayed my vast knowledge of myelodysplasia - my law degree is turning out to be very helpful lately) they agreed to have a hemotologist perform a smear cell analysis of his blood cells. After the analysis the oncologist called back and said that it was the hemotologist's opinion that children with Down Syndrome do not have red blood cells within the normal range until after the first year of life. He opined that Jonathan's red blood cells were not problematic and observed that while they are large, they have gone down in size each month since his birth. Amen. Thank-you Jesus. Why do I think this was an answer to prayer? If Jonathan had not been hospitalized it could have been months before the hemotologist became involved during which time I would have festered and worried needlessly.
Anyway, I am thankful and I am not going to take his health for granted anymore. I'm praying for his cancer-free babyhood, toodlerhood and preschool years - and this is not easy to pray for so please help me.
He is doing great by the way. He sits and plays with toys. He eats crackers by himself. Oh - another answer to prayer - today while I was trying to clear the table I saw him playing with a wet paper towel. I took it away - but I didn't check his mouth - he is my fourth child, I just don't get alarmed that easy. Anyway, I took him upstairs to change his diaper and he started to gag. I sat him up and out came a quarter-sized glob of paper towel. After my mind stopped flying through all the doomsday scenarios that could have occurred, I thought again about how Jesus has had my fellas back since the day he was conceived in my body - from life's little paper towel mishaps to full-blown leukemia. God must have a very special plan for my fella. I can't wait to see what it is.
Okay - one more answer to prayer. This one is for the older three lovelies. For the past month or two Abigail and Marie have been noticing the special things about Jonathan's appearance - mainly that his tongue is dangling out of his mouth a lot. I have told them that God gave Jonathan an extra-large tongue - a common happening in children with Down Syndrome. I told them as he gets older it will be easier for him to keep it in - especially with the older three's "encouragement." It got me thinking though that it was time to share more information about Down Syndrome with them. I have been pretty cautious because I don't want them to worry or be afraid. They love Jonathan more than I can possibly express - and I can express. The minute they get in the van after school the conversation goes somthing like this: "I claim Jonathan first! No, I get to hold him first! Mama who gets him first?" So, I looked in the hospital library for a book to share with the older three kids, but nothing seemed quite right.
My kids and I really like American Idol. It is the only show we watch as a family - we blip-out the commercials. For the most part, it is a "clean" show. You may disagree, but it is our winter thing and we love to snuggle up and cheer for our favorite singer. The season premiere was last night. In case you aren't familiar with the format of the show, the season begins with thousands of would-be idols auditioning across the country. To keep things interesting, the shows producers highlight a few of the contestants' personal journeys to the Idol audition. (Think: cancer survivor, homeless teen, etc.). Ten minutes into the show they start a segment on a sixteen year old girl from a family of nine siblings. Next shot - she is playing with her nine-year-old brother -who has Down Syndrome. She goes on to share how much she loves her brother and then her parents come on. They adopted two other boys with Down Syndrome after her first brother was born and the camera zooms in on the boys playing and running down the street. My kids are GLUED to the screen and shouting out about Down Syndrome. I am crying, but they don't notice. Craig is sitting on the floor - likely wondering how this is all going to turn out. The segment ended and the sister sang a lovely Christian hymn - I had never heard it before - she made the cut with the judges and is "going to Hollywood." Craig and I sat in silence and the kids said nothing.
This morning after Abigail and Luke left for school I asked Marie what she thought of the boys with Down Syndrome on American Idol last night. She said, "I thought it was nice they adopted that brother with Down Syndrome. He needed a friend. No one wants to be alone." (See www.reece'srainbow.com) I asked her if she could tell the boys had Down Syndrome. She said she could because they had glasses. Well, that is an over broad net, but tongues and glasses are on her five-year-old radar right now. Anyway, God heard my cry. And he answered my cry in a way my family would hear, in a forum that would get their attention and give them just what they needed to see and hear. Isn't that absolutely amazing. I can't get over it. He is ALWAYS faithful. Amen.
Hope you are all cozy and warm. Happy New Year!
Love,
Jill
Starting at Thanksgiving and ending today is the busiest time of the year for our family. We travel to visit our families in Iowa for the holidays and then Luke and Abigail celebrate their birthdays on January 7th (Luke) and January (13th). This year was a little busier than usual because, for the first time since last May, our family got sick - about 5 days before Christmas. Marie and Abigail are still sick with coughs and diarrhea. You know, for some people this might be discouraging (and it is a little - it has been 4 weeks), but for the most part I am just thankful for nearly seven months of good health. We never got a sniffle - Jonathan never got a sniffle - for seven months. That is HUGE in a home with four children under age eight.
Marie is asleep on the sofa right now so I wanted to write about how God has been moving in our lives lately.
On the same fifth day before Christmas that Luke brought sickness home from school, Jonathan's oncology blood tests came back with some scary results. The test showed that his red blood cells are enlarged - this condition is known as myelodsysplasia, a rare form of leukemia. (Jonathan has a 65% chance that he will develop leukemia before he reaches age five - hence the frequent blood checks.) I have always known this risk, but until the red blood cell flag waved in front of me I believed with my whole heart that it would never happen to my sweet fella. I was devastated and scared - pretty much senseless. I have a pretty good imagination so my fears were getting the best of me. I researched insanely on the computer and am very confident in my knowledge regarding myelodysplasia - it is not something you want to be diagnosed with. By the time Christmas was over and we were home I was preparing for the worst, i.e. months of chemotherapy.
Throughout this "vacation", all three of the older lovelies were sick. Jonathan had a mild cough, but never got "sick." I was convinced we had H1N1 - Jonathan was the only one who was vaccinated for H1N1. Nope. On the first day the older three went back to school, Jonathan got diarrhea and a bigger cough. By Thursday, January 7th he was in the hospital with pneumonia. The hospitalization, while depressing and, well, exhausting, was an answer to my pleading Christmas prayers to God. While Jonathan was in the hospital the oncology team became involved and after I cross-examined them (and displayed my vast knowledge of myelodysplasia - my law degree is turning out to be very helpful lately) they agreed to have a hemotologist perform a smear cell analysis of his blood cells. After the analysis the oncologist called back and said that it was the hemotologist's opinion that children with Down Syndrome do not have red blood cells within the normal range until after the first year of life. He opined that Jonathan's red blood cells were not problematic and observed that while they are large, they have gone down in size each month since his birth. Amen. Thank-you Jesus. Why do I think this was an answer to prayer? If Jonathan had not been hospitalized it could have been months before the hemotologist became involved during which time I would have festered and worried needlessly.
Anyway, I am thankful and I am not going to take his health for granted anymore. I'm praying for his cancer-free babyhood, toodlerhood and preschool years - and this is not easy to pray for so please help me.
He is doing great by the way. He sits and plays with toys. He eats crackers by himself. Oh - another answer to prayer - today while I was trying to clear the table I saw him playing with a wet paper towel. I took it away - but I didn't check his mouth - he is my fourth child, I just don't get alarmed that easy. Anyway, I took him upstairs to change his diaper and he started to gag. I sat him up and out came a quarter-sized glob of paper towel. After my mind stopped flying through all the doomsday scenarios that could have occurred, I thought again about how Jesus has had my fellas back since the day he was conceived in my body - from life's little paper towel mishaps to full-blown leukemia. God must have a very special plan for my fella. I can't wait to see what it is.
Okay - one more answer to prayer. This one is for the older three lovelies. For the past month or two Abigail and Marie have been noticing the special things about Jonathan's appearance - mainly that his tongue is dangling out of his mouth a lot. I have told them that God gave Jonathan an extra-large tongue - a common happening in children with Down Syndrome. I told them as he gets older it will be easier for him to keep it in - especially with the older three's "encouragement." It got me thinking though that it was time to share more information about Down Syndrome with them. I have been pretty cautious because I don't want them to worry or be afraid. They love Jonathan more than I can possibly express - and I can express. The minute they get in the van after school the conversation goes somthing like this: "I claim Jonathan first! No, I get to hold him first! Mama who gets him first?" So, I looked in the hospital library for a book to share with the older three kids, but nothing seemed quite right.
My kids and I really like American Idol. It is the only show we watch as a family - we blip-out the commercials. For the most part, it is a "clean" show. You may disagree, but it is our winter thing and we love to snuggle up and cheer for our favorite singer. The season premiere was last night. In case you aren't familiar with the format of the show, the season begins with thousands of would-be idols auditioning across the country. To keep things interesting, the shows producers highlight a few of the contestants' personal journeys to the Idol audition. (Think: cancer survivor, homeless teen, etc.). Ten minutes into the show they start a segment on a sixteen year old girl from a family of nine siblings. Next shot - she is playing with her nine-year-old brother -who has Down Syndrome. She goes on to share how much she loves her brother and then her parents come on. They adopted two other boys with Down Syndrome after her first brother was born and the camera zooms in on the boys playing and running down the street. My kids are GLUED to the screen and shouting out about Down Syndrome. I am crying, but they don't notice. Craig is sitting on the floor - likely wondering how this is all going to turn out. The segment ended and the sister sang a lovely Christian hymn - I had never heard it before - she made the cut with the judges and is "going to Hollywood." Craig and I sat in silence and the kids said nothing.
This morning after Abigail and Luke left for school I asked Marie what she thought of the boys with Down Syndrome on American Idol last night. She said, "I thought it was nice they adopted that brother with Down Syndrome. He needed a friend. No one wants to be alone." (See www.reece'srainbow.com) I asked her if she could tell the boys had Down Syndrome. She said she could because they had glasses. Well, that is an over broad net, but tongues and glasses are on her five-year-old radar right now. Anyway, God heard my cry. And he answered my cry in a way my family would hear, in a forum that would get their attention and give them just what they needed to see and hear. Isn't that absolutely amazing. I can't get over it. He is ALWAYS faithful. Amen.
Hope you are all cozy and warm. Happy New Year!
Love,
Jill
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)