Three Years Later

Hi All -

It has been a long time. Since I wrote on this blog. Since Jonathan came into our lives.

But...parts of the day Jonathan was born seem like they happened ten minutes ago. I can remember the minute the neonatologist told me he believed Jonathan had Down Syndrome. I can remember the fear washing over me and the desparation creeping into to my head and heart. I was so scared.

One of my first thoughts was, "What have we done to our other kids?" My second, "What if he can't do what we like? What if he hates swimming?" My last, "What if he hates to do crafts like my other kids?" Crazy! Clearly, I was not appreciating Jono's predicament. Jono was nine weeks premature, had Down Syndrome, had a mysterious blood leukemia and at least ten other medical problems any one of which would have been a significant concern in my other children, but for Jono fell right off my radar. And I was worried about swimming and crafts.

Of course, as the weeks and months went on I realized that Jono had more pressing concerns that the painting and water sports. And God faithfully healed Jonathan of every one of the ailments that is threatened his life. But, the coolest part? Over the last three years God answered my "crazy" prayers too. He didn't just save Jono's life. He fixed everything. Just like I asked.

First, he showed me how Jonathan would effect Abigail, Luke and Marie. My kids prayed for a brother throughout my entire pregnancy - we needed another boy - to be "fair." (We were at a "fairness" stage then. Oh - we still are.) They picked out names for him and dreamed of a cuddly baby boy. He was, to put it mildly, highly anticipated. When he was born, I thought they would be disappointed or sad. I really didn't know what to think - but I assumed things would not go well. Oh, was I wrong. From the moment Abigail, Luke and Marie saw Jono they loved him. They have always known he has Down Syndrome. I told them the night before he came home from the NICU. I read them a picture book and explained that Jono might have a hard time learning and may look a little different - that was all I could muster at the time. They didn't care then and they don't care now.

When they have stories to write at school, the stories always have Jono as a character. When Luke built his second grade rocket he put his and Jono's name on the rocket and described their journey to the Bubble-Gum planet in his story. When Abigail has a bad day, she doesn't cuddle with me - she cuddles Jono. When Marie grows up she is going to be a speech therapist. For now, she has a clinic in her bedroom with activities to help Jono talk more. And Luke got his wrestling partner - Jono is tough. Luke may outweigh him, but Jono has learned how to swing his big head and pull hair if he needs to even the playing field.

Jono and the swimming pool. Did you hear me say full-submersion, independent jump off the side, come up laughing at age 2? Jono loves the pool; the beach; the lake;and the bathtub if that is all that is available.

The crafts. Jono started preschool at the same preschool his siblings attended in St. Paul after Christmas. Marie was there when he was born, and I can remember wondering where Jono would be when he was preschool age. Well, Jono is sitting in her old chair painting pictures and learning his colors. One day, his teachers came out and asked me if I knew how much Jono likes crafts. That is when I remembered my first crazy concerns. And that is when I knew that my God is so faithful, so loving and so complete that He takes care of everthing. Every last detail. He really does care about the small stuff.

Jonathan is the happiest, most joy-filled little boy I know. God has big plans for him. I wish I could have seen my life today when I was pregnant. I wasted alot of time praying for something I wouldn't change if I could. I love every aspect of my son. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine feeling this love, acceptance and devotion three years after Jonathan's birth. I was thinking the hurt would always be there. But, God took that away too. And I never even asked Him to do that. I must have thought even He couldn't do that. Whew. I was so wrong.

Love, Jill