Saturday, April 28, 2012
April 29, 2012
About Me
I am really trying to get this blog rolling. Unfortunately, I need a computer class. Or, my eleven year old needs to stay home from school and set the page up for me. I like to write. I do not like to read computer manuals. Anyway, this post is supposed to be under the "About Me" section. But, of course, I can't figure out how to make it appear. And now I am tired so I am putting it here for now. Baby steps.
****
Craig and I were married almost ten years before our first Lovely, Abigail, was born. We were busy...attending law school...accumulating student loan debt...paying off student loan debt.
Then suddenly, we were thirty-two years old. After a year of infertility treatments Abigail was conceived and eight months later she was born. It was a miserable pregnancy by any standard. But, you know what they say, "Childbirth is the easiest pain to forget." Apparently, it is true because we had two more children in the next three-and-a-half years.
I knew within the first two seconds of holding Abigail that I would not be returning to the practice of law. I remember looking at her and thinking, "I would give my life in a heartbeat for you." And I would, for any of the Lovelies. People often ask me if I miss being a lawyer. The short answer is, "No." Initially, I missed the clothes and the lunches with friends. But, eventually, I got new clothes and new friends. And I really liked being home with my three Lovelies.
When Marie turned two years old, I began to wonder what on earth I was going to do with my life after my kids were in school. I like to know where I am headed and am a neurotic planner. My bible study friends prayed for me as I fretted about my uncertain future.
In the midst of all of this self-imposed worry, I felt like there was still one more child waiting to join our family. But, time marched on. I turned forty and began to let that fourth dream go.
God did not. He must have heard that cry in my heart because shortly before I turned forty-one our fourth child was conceived. And thirty-one weeks later Jonathan roared into the world.
This blog is about the plans God had for my future, and about His plans for my four Lovelies. He must have been rolling his eyes during all that anxious praying before Jonathan was conceived. He knew He was preparing a blessing so huge I could not imagine it in my wildest dreams. I am writing this blog to share the miracles God blesses our family with everyday so that all can see His magnificent glory, provision and faithfulness.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Circle Maker
Hi -
I'm reading this fabulous book called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. In sum, it is a practical and inspiring book about how to draw prayer circles around your family, your dreams, your fears and the promises of God. It is the best book I have read in a long, long time. Maybe because I have a big family, a lot of dreams, some fears and desperate need to see God's promises for me materialize.
This year when people started talking about things they were "giving up" for Lent I realized that is a tradition I haven't followed in recent years. I tried to think of something truly sacrificial I could abstain from and there was really only one worthy contender...coffee. Unfortunately, if I did that I would be risking my kid's lives by driving my minivan in a semiconscious state. So, I decided to draw prayer circles instead.
My kids think my dinner marches around the table are hilarious...but they love being the subject of my prayers. All of my other prayer circles have been done from the driver's seat of my minivan. It is St. Paul. It is March. Since Lent began, I have driven around our new block in St. Paul, my kid's school (several times) and my friend's house. My plan is to circle my husband's office building later this week - seven times - he needs some Jericho walls to tumble. Maybe I'll give Jono a trumpet to blow.
I have abstained from a lot of sugar and Diet Coke during past Lenten seasons and I have never seen results like these circles. I have ben praying that my kid's school will see increased visibility and enrollment for next year. One kindergarten class is full. I prayed that my whole family would not come down with strep throat after Abigail's test came back positive. Historically, my kids share every illness and it lingers around the house for about a month. No strep infestation. I have prayed multiple circles around Jono - most of them about his language acquisition. This has been the most profound and noticeable answer to prayer. I am not keeping a tally sheet (although I think I may start), but he has added about a work a DAY since I first circled him. To put this in perspective for you, Jono only had about 25 words when I circled him - he probably has forty now. And he uses them outside our home. At preschool the teachers gave him an apple slice and he said "apple." He has started asking for help at preschool by using the word "help." He walked over to the refrigerator, yanked the door open and said "I ____ apple juice!" Whew! I gave him the whole jug.
This has been the best Lenten observation (clearly it is not sacrificial or denial) I have ever made. Not only am I keeping the coffee, I am cashing in on slews of God's promises for myself, my children and my friends. Prayer is not a new thing for me and the circle is figurative, but Mr. Batterson suggests a plan to implement your prayer life. For a planner like me, his advice is priceless.
Jill
I'm reading this fabulous book called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. In sum, it is a practical and inspiring book about how to draw prayer circles around your family, your dreams, your fears and the promises of God. It is the best book I have read in a long, long time. Maybe because I have a big family, a lot of dreams, some fears and desperate need to see God's promises for me materialize.
This year when people started talking about things they were "giving up" for Lent I realized that is a tradition I haven't followed in recent years. I tried to think of something truly sacrificial I could abstain from and there was really only one worthy contender...coffee. Unfortunately, if I did that I would be risking my kid's lives by driving my minivan in a semiconscious state. So, I decided to draw prayer circles instead.
My kids think my dinner marches around the table are hilarious...but they love being the subject of my prayers. All of my other prayer circles have been done from the driver's seat of my minivan. It is St. Paul. It is March. Since Lent began, I have driven around our new block in St. Paul, my kid's school (several times) and my friend's house. My plan is to circle my husband's office building later this week - seven times - he needs some Jericho walls to tumble. Maybe I'll give Jono a trumpet to blow.
I have abstained from a lot of sugar and Diet Coke during past Lenten seasons and I have never seen results like these circles. I have ben praying that my kid's school will see increased visibility and enrollment for next year. One kindergarten class is full. I prayed that my whole family would not come down with strep throat after Abigail's test came back positive. Historically, my kids share every illness and it lingers around the house for about a month. No strep infestation. I have prayed multiple circles around Jono - most of them about his language acquisition. This has been the most profound and noticeable answer to prayer. I am not keeping a tally sheet (although I think I may start), but he has added about a work a DAY since I first circled him. To put this in perspective for you, Jono only had about 25 words when I circled him - he probably has forty now. And he uses them outside our home. At preschool the teachers gave him an apple slice and he said "apple." He has started asking for help at preschool by using the word "help." He walked over to the refrigerator, yanked the door open and said "I ____ apple juice!" Whew! I gave him the whole jug.
This has been the best Lenten observation (clearly it is not sacrificial or denial) I have ever made. Not only am I keeping the coffee, I am cashing in on slews of God's promises for myself, my children and my friends. Prayer is not a new thing for me and the circle is figurative, but Mr. Batterson suggests a plan to implement your prayer life. For a planner like me, his advice is priceless.
Jill
Monday, March 5, 2012
Three Years Later
Hi All -
It has been a long time. Since I wrote on this blog. Since Jonathan came into our lives.
But...parts of the day Jonathan was born seem like they happened ten minutes ago. I can remember the minute the neonatologist told me he believed Jonathan had Down Syndrome. I can remember the fear washing over me and the desparation creeping into to my head and heart. I was so scared.
One of my first thoughts was, "What have we done to our other kids?" My second, "What if he can't do what we like? What if he hates swimming?" My last, "What if he hates to do crafts like my other kids?" Crazy! Clearly, I was not appreciating Jono's predicament. Jono was nine weeks premature, had Down Syndrome, had a mysterious blood leukemia and at least ten other medical problems any one of which would have been a significant concern in my other children, but for Jono fell right off my radar. And I was worried about swimming and crafts.
Of course, as the weeks and months went on I realized that Jono had more pressing concerns that the painting and water sports. And God faithfully healed Jonathan of every one of the ailments that is threatened his life. But, the coolest part? Over the last three years God answered my "crazy" prayers too. He didn't just save Jono's life. He fixed everything. Just like I asked.
First, he showed me how Jonathan would effect Abigail, Luke and Marie. My kids prayed for a brother throughout my entire pregnancy - we needed another boy - to be "fair." (We were at a "fairness" stage then. Oh - we still are.) They picked out names for him and dreamed of a cuddly baby boy. He was, to put it mildly, highly anticipated. When he was born, I thought they would be disappointed or sad. I really didn't know what to think - but I assumed things would not go well. Oh, was I wrong. From the moment Abigail, Luke and Marie saw Jono they loved him. They have always known he has Down Syndrome. I told them the night before he came home from the NICU. I read them a picture book and explained that Jono might have a hard time learning and may look a little different - that was all I could muster at the time. They didn't care then and they don't care now.
When they have stories to write at school, the stories always have Jono as a character. When Luke built his second grade rocket he put his and Jono's name on the rocket and described their journey to the Bubble-Gum planet in his story. When Abigail has a bad day, she doesn't cuddle with me - she cuddles Jono. When Marie grows up she is going to be a speech therapist. For now, she has a clinic in her bedroom with activities to help Jono talk more. And Luke got his wrestling partner - Jono is tough. Luke may outweigh him, but Jono has learned how to swing his big head and pull hair if he needs to even the playing field.
Jono and the swimming pool. Did you hear me say full-submersion, independent jump off the side, come up laughing at age 2? Jono loves the pool; the beach; the lake;and the bathtub if that is all that is available.
The crafts. Jono started preschool at the same preschool his siblings attended in St. Paul after Christmas. Marie was there when he was born, and I can remember wondering where Jono would be when he was preschool age. Well, Jono is sitting in her old chair painting pictures and learning his colors. One day, his teachers came out and asked me if I knew how much Jono likes crafts. That is when I remembered my first crazy concerns. And that is when I knew that my God is so faithful, so loving and so complete that He takes care of everthing. Every last detail. He really does care about the small stuff.
Jonathan is the happiest, most joy-filled little boy I know. God has big plans for him. I wish I could have seen my life today when I was pregnant. I wasted alot of time praying for something I wouldn't change if I could. I love every aspect of my son. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine feeling this love, acceptance and devotion three years after Jonathan's birth. I was thinking the hurt would always be there. But, God took that away too. And I never even asked Him to do that. I must have thought even He couldn't do that. Whew. I was so wrong.
Love, Jill
It has been a long time. Since I wrote on this blog. Since Jonathan came into our lives.
But...parts of the day Jonathan was born seem like they happened ten minutes ago. I can remember the minute the neonatologist told me he believed Jonathan had Down Syndrome. I can remember the fear washing over me and the desparation creeping into to my head and heart. I was so scared.
One of my first thoughts was, "What have we done to our other kids?" My second, "What if he can't do what we like? What if he hates swimming?" My last, "What if he hates to do crafts like my other kids?" Crazy! Clearly, I was not appreciating Jono's predicament. Jono was nine weeks premature, had Down Syndrome, had a mysterious blood leukemia and at least ten other medical problems any one of which would have been a significant concern in my other children, but for Jono fell right off my radar. And I was worried about swimming and crafts.
Of course, as the weeks and months went on I realized that Jono had more pressing concerns that the painting and water sports. And God faithfully healed Jonathan of every one of the ailments that is threatened his life. But, the coolest part? Over the last three years God answered my "crazy" prayers too. He didn't just save Jono's life. He fixed everything. Just like I asked.
First, he showed me how Jonathan would effect Abigail, Luke and Marie. My kids prayed for a brother throughout my entire pregnancy - we needed another boy - to be "fair." (We were at a "fairness" stage then. Oh - we still are.) They picked out names for him and dreamed of a cuddly baby boy. He was, to put it mildly, highly anticipated. When he was born, I thought they would be disappointed or sad. I really didn't know what to think - but I assumed things would not go well. Oh, was I wrong. From the moment Abigail, Luke and Marie saw Jono they loved him. They have always known he has Down Syndrome. I told them the night before he came home from the NICU. I read them a picture book and explained that Jono might have a hard time learning and may look a little different - that was all I could muster at the time. They didn't care then and they don't care now.
When they have stories to write at school, the stories always have Jono as a character. When Luke built his second grade rocket he put his and Jono's name on the rocket and described their journey to the Bubble-Gum planet in his story. When Abigail has a bad day, she doesn't cuddle with me - she cuddles Jono. When Marie grows up she is going to be a speech therapist. For now, she has a clinic in her bedroom with activities to help Jono talk more. And Luke got his wrestling partner - Jono is tough. Luke may outweigh him, but Jono has learned how to swing his big head and pull hair if he needs to even the playing field.
Jono and the swimming pool. Did you hear me say full-submersion, independent jump off the side, come up laughing at age 2? Jono loves the pool; the beach; the lake;and the bathtub if that is all that is available.
The crafts. Jono started preschool at the same preschool his siblings attended in St. Paul after Christmas. Marie was there when he was born, and I can remember wondering where Jono would be when he was preschool age. Well, Jono is sitting in her old chair painting pictures and learning his colors. One day, his teachers came out and asked me if I knew how much Jono likes crafts. That is when I remembered my first crazy concerns. And that is when I knew that my God is so faithful, so loving and so complete that He takes care of everthing. Every last detail. He really does care about the small stuff.
Jonathan is the happiest, most joy-filled little boy I know. God has big plans for him. I wish I could have seen my life today when I was pregnant. I wasted alot of time praying for something I wouldn't change if I could. I love every aspect of my son. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine feeling this love, acceptance and devotion three years after Jonathan's birth. I was thinking the hurt would always be there. But, God took that away too. And I never even asked Him to do that. I must have thought even He couldn't do that. Whew. I was so wrong.
Love, Jill
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
My Story
Jesus tells the man to "[g]o home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you and how he has had mercy on you." Mark 5:18-20
Happy 2011 -
I am hugely redundant in my prayer requests. For the last year one of my most frequent requests has been: "God, do you really want me to write down all the miraculous, irrefutable, loving things you have done for me and my family?" Of course, the answer to the riddle lies in my question...and in the Bible. Last week when I was reading to my daughter out of her new "specially-designed-for-tween-girls" Christmas Bible (yes, there really are such things and it is fabulous), I opened her Bible to the story that includes the above verse. Well, I took action. I am taking a class specifically about designing and writing memoirs this winter at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis. So, if you would pray for me that would be fabulous. The class is at night - Thursday nights - and I hate driving at night, especially in snow and darkness. So, an early Spring would be wonderful.
My project isn't just about Jonathan; although his life is the catalyst for the story. It is more about how God has worked in my life, my kids lives, Craig's life and, of course, Jonathan's life. I have read a lot of blogs, poems, short stories and long books about children with disabilities in the last year-and-a-half and I am certain that is not what God is calling me to write. Jonathan is a sweet, energetic, joyful little boy who has completed our family and filled us with a happiness that is indescribable. But, the joy he brings isn't because he has Down Syndrome; it is because he is...Jonathan. Jonathan is a brown-haired, one-year-old boy who happens to have a diagnosis of Down Syndrome. I want him to grow up in a world where people love him first, and don't get distracted by his disability.
Recently, my aunt forwarded me a poem commonly circulated to families who have a child with Down Syndrome called "Welcome to Holland." I first read this poem the day after Jonathan was born. That day I was annoyed to receive it because I was not convinced Jonathan even had Down Syndrome. The poem is beautiful though and it's author a blessing to thousands of parents who have been comforted by her words. When I read the poem a week ago the first few verses caused me to cry because the author painfully describes the feelings a parent goes thru upon their child's diagnosis...and I believe they are true for most people in this situation. But, that is where my trip and the author's trip part. Now, I have to disclose that Italy is my favorite place in the world...I don't know much about Holland...I'm sure it is lovely as well. But...Italy. The author basically tells parents whose baby has Down Syndrome that they won't be going to fast-paced Italy now...gotta go to Holland. Well...I can already tell that Jonathan wants to go to Italy. God has blessed and gifted and healed him and he will not be happy with a slow trip thru Holland, or any other slow-paced venue.
This leads me to the other part of my book project and my second-most redundant prayer: "God, please open the hearts of your people to see Jonathan as a vibrant young boy of unsurpassable worth. Remind them that You died for him just as you died for Mother Teresa, Billy Graham and them. Lord, start a fire in their hearts that compels them to start seeing everyone in your Kingdom as equals. Lord, let your church take the lead in including people with disabilities in all ministries, including Christian schools. Please God, impress upon your believers to pray for patience, understanding, wisdom and kindness as they meet children who have a disability. God, teach them that maybe it is not the child who has a disability that has the barrier to learning or behavior; but the rest of us with a barrier of compassion. Reveal to us where the real disabling condition lies."
So, my book is also about changing hearts. I want Jonathan to be able to experience everything God has equipped him to enjoy...even Italy. Especially Italy!
Jill
Happy 2011 -
I am hugely redundant in my prayer requests. For the last year one of my most frequent requests has been: "God, do you really want me to write down all the miraculous, irrefutable, loving things you have done for me and my family?" Of course, the answer to the riddle lies in my question...and in the Bible. Last week when I was reading to my daughter out of her new "specially-designed-for-tween-girls" Christmas Bible (yes, there really are such things and it is fabulous), I opened her Bible to the story that includes the above verse. Well, I took action. I am taking a class specifically about designing and writing memoirs this winter at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis. So, if you would pray for me that would be fabulous. The class is at night - Thursday nights - and I hate driving at night, especially in snow and darkness. So, an early Spring would be wonderful.
My project isn't just about Jonathan; although his life is the catalyst for the story. It is more about how God has worked in my life, my kids lives, Craig's life and, of course, Jonathan's life. I have read a lot of blogs, poems, short stories and long books about children with disabilities in the last year-and-a-half and I am certain that is not what God is calling me to write. Jonathan is a sweet, energetic, joyful little boy who has completed our family and filled us with a happiness that is indescribable. But, the joy he brings isn't because he has Down Syndrome; it is because he is...Jonathan. Jonathan is a brown-haired, one-year-old boy who happens to have a diagnosis of Down Syndrome. I want him to grow up in a world where people love him first, and don't get distracted by his disability.
Recently, my aunt forwarded me a poem commonly circulated to families who have a child with Down Syndrome called "Welcome to Holland." I first read this poem the day after Jonathan was born. That day I was annoyed to receive it because I was not convinced Jonathan even had Down Syndrome. The poem is beautiful though and it's author a blessing to thousands of parents who have been comforted by her words. When I read the poem a week ago the first few verses caused me to cry because the author painfully describes the feelings a parent goes thru upon their child's diagnosis...and I believe they are true for most people in this situation. But, that is where my trip and the author's trip part. Now, I have to disclose that Italy is my favorite place in the world...I don't know much about Holland...I'm sure it is lovely as well. But...Italy. The author basically tells parents whose baby has Down Syndrome that they won't be going to fast-paced Italy now...gotta go to Holland. Well...I can already tell that Jonathan wants to go to Italy. God has blessed and gifted and healed him and he will not be happy with a slow trip thru Holland, or any other slow-paced venue.
This leads me to the other part of my book project and my second-most redundant prayer: "God, please open the hearts of your people to see Jonathan as a vibrant young boy of unsurpassable worth. Remind them that You died for him just as you died for Mother Teresa, Billy Graham and them. Lord, start a fire in their hearts that compels them to start seeing everyone in your Kingdom as equals. Lord, let your church take the lead in including people with disabilities in all ministries, including Christian schools. Please God, impress upon your believers to pray for patience, understanding, wisdom and kindness as they meet children who have a disability. God, teach them that maybe it is not the child who has a disability that has the barrier to learning or behavior; but the rest of us with a barrier of compassion. Reveal to us where the real disabling condition lies."
So, my book is also about changing hearts. I want Jonathan to be able to experience everything God has equipped him to enjoy...even Italy. Especially Italy!
Jill
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A Christmas Story
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Merry Christmas everyone -
It is the first day of December and our home is filled with excitement. We put up the tree this weekend and now Jonathan spends his days trying to take it down. I am pretty sure the bottom third will be thread-bare by December 25th.
I pulled out our collection of Christmas stories on Sunday and came across my favorite story of all time...well other than the story of Jesus birth. And actually, come to think of it, this really isn't a Christmas story...but is in our Christmas storybook. No matter how hard I bite my cheek and hold my breath, I cry every time I read this story. Abigail, Luke and Marie just laugh - they know it's coming. I have tried to explain to them why...but they don't get it...yet.
It is a beautiful story about God's glorious plan for each of lives. It means more to me now because I am discerning God's plan for my life and could not be more different, more joyful, more satisfying than anything I ever dreamed up on my own. I was home in Davenport, Iowa for Thanksgiving last week and looking back to the beginnings of my life was humbling and filled with me with gratitude to my Lord. I am so thankful for everything God has given me, thankful He never gave up on me, thankful that He has a plan for my life that I didn't need to come up with on my own. Anyway, here is the fabulous story.
The Legend of the Three Trees
Author Unknown
Life burst into the world on the third day of Creation. From under the water, God brought forth the earth. Peeking up through the earth's soil, green plants waved like millions of tiny flags. Grasses, bushes, and trees grew into every size and shape.
The trees towered above all. There were pine trees and poplar, olive and oak, willow and walnut. Each held its own seeds and fruits. Their seeds and fruits scattered as animals carried them from the trees. In a green valley a fox dropped an olive. From that olive, a new olive tree with beautiful wood began to grow.
Along a rocky shoreline, a stork dropped an acorn into a deep crack. From that acorn, a great oak began to grow. High on a mountainside, a clumsy goat knocked a log into a tree. The crash sent pine cones and their seeds spinning to the ground. From one of those seeds, a new pine tree began to grow.
Each of these trees had great dreams of what it would become.
The olive tree hoped that its beautiful wood could become a treasure chest. Decorated with sparkling jewels, it would hold the greatest treasure in the world. The oak hoped to became a mighty ship. Strong and proud it would carry kings and queens across the waters. The tall, majestic pine hoped that its towering branches would remind people of the glory of God's Creation. It dreamed that it would always stay on the mountain and point people to God.
Many years passed. The trees' dreams had not come true. The olive tree had become a simple manger for feeding animals. The mighty oak's wood was made into a little fishing boat. And the great pine fell in a storm and lay in a heap of old lumber.
But God had Hos own plan for each of the trees.
One night, shepherd's keeping watch over their flock saw an angel. The angel told them not to be afraid, for their Savior had been born and was lying in a manger in Bethlehem. The olive tree had not become a treasure chest, but now, as a manger, it held the greatest treasure of all time - Jesus.
The infant Jesus grew into a man and traveled to the very lake that held the oak fishing boat. One day the boat carried Jesus and the fisherman on to the lake. A great storm swept over the lake. "Quiet! Be still," Jesus said. The storm stopped. The boat had never carried a king of this world, but now it carried the King of Kings.
One day soldiers came for the forgotten pine. From that pine's trunk they made a cross and placed Jesus on it. That day, Jesus died on the cross to take away the sins of all who believe in him.
Sometimes the dreams that we have for ourselves are much smaller than the dreams God has for us. The three trees dreams came true, just not in the way they imagined. And so it is with us. For if we follow God's path, we will travel far beyond even our greatest dreams.
Hope you enjoyed the story -
Jill
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Merry Christmas everyone -
It is the first day of December and our home is filled with excitement. We put up the tree this weekend and now Jonathan spends his days trying to take it down. I am pretty sure the bottom third will be thread-bare by December 25th.
I pulled out our collection of Christmas stories on Sunday and came across my favorite story of all time...well other than the story of Jesus birth. And actually, come to think of it, this really isn't a Christmas story...but is in our Christmas storybook. No matter how hard I bite my cheek and hold my breath, I cry every time I read this story. Abigail, Luke and Marie just laugh - they know it's coming. I have tried to explain to them why...but they don't get it...yet.
It is a beautiful story about God's glorious plan for each of lives. It means more to me now because I am discerning God's plan for my life and could not be more different, more joyful, more satisfying than anything I ever dreamed up on my own. I was home in Davenport, Iowa for Thanksgiving last week and looking back to the beginnings of my life was humbling and filled with me with gratitude to my Lord. I am so thankful for everything God has given me, thankful He never gave up on me, thankful that He has a plan for my life that I didn't need to come up with on my own. Anyway, here is the fabulous story.
The Legend of the Three Trees
Author Unknown
Life burst into the world on the third day of Creation. From under the water, God brought forth the earth. Peeking up through the earth's soil, green plants waved like millions of tiny flags. Grasses, bushes, and trees grew into every size and shape.
The trees towered above all. There were pine trees and poplar, olive and oak, willow and walnut. Each held its own seeds and fruits. Their seeds and fruits scattered as animals carried them from the trees. In a green valley a fox dropped an olive. From that olive, a new olive tree with beautiful wood began to grow.
Along a rocky shoreline, a stork dropped an acorn into a deep crack. From that acorn, a great oak began to grow. High on a mountainside, a clumsy goat knocked a log into a tree. The crash sent pine cones and their seeds spinning to the ground. From one of those seeds, a new pine tree began to grow.
Each of these trees had great dreams of what it would become.
The olive tree hoped that its beautiful wood could become a treasure chest. Decorated with sparkling jewels, it would hold the greatest treasure in the world. The oak hoped to became a mighty ship. Strong and proud it would carry kings and queens across the waters. The tall, majestic pine hoped that its towering branches would remind people of the glory of God's Creation. It dreamed that it would always stay on the mountain and point people to God.
Many years passed. The trees' dreams had not come true. The olive tree had become a simple manger for feeding animals. The mighty oak's wood was made into a little fishing boat. And the great pine fell in a storm and lay in a heap of old lumber.
But God had Hos own plan for each of the trees.
One night, shepherd's keeping watch over their flock saw an angel. The angel told them not to be afraid, for their Savior had been born and was lying in a manger in Bethlehem. The olive tree had not become a treasure chest, but now, as a manger, it held the greatest treasure of all time - Jesus.
The infant Jesus grew into a man and traveled to the very lake that held the oak fishing boat. One day the boat carried Jesus and the fisherman on to the lake. A great storm swept over the lake. "Quiet! Be still," Jesus said. The storm stopped. The boat had never carried a king of this world, but now it carried the King of Kings.
One day soldiers came for the forgotten pine. From that pine's trunk they made a cross and placed Jesus on it. That day, Jesus died on the cross to take away the sins of all who believe in him.
Sometimes the dreams that we have for ourselves are much smaller than the dreams God has for us. The three trees dreams came true, just not in the way they imagined. And so it is with us. For if we follow God's path, we will travel far beyond even our greatest dreams.
Hope you enjoyed the story -
Jill
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wonderfully Made
...For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Ps. 139
Happy Fall!
Summer is over and the big lovelies are all in school. Jonathan and I miss them a lot. Fortunately, Jonathan sleeps all afternoon and I still get to clean-up after the messes the school-aged lovelies leave behind. I DO miss them terribly though - I'm not good at change and going from four children to one is quite a change of pace.
Jonathan was a year-and-a-half on September 4th. Unbelievable. He is doing very well - he flies around the house with his push cart, unloads the pantry, scales the stairs, and... plays in the toilet. Ughhh. He plays with his toys - his favorites are a pig with plastic coins, a pull-car, a drum and his maracas. He eats everything and drinks from a cup with a straw. He is learning some sign language and a few words - I am pretty sure he said cracker and bye the other day. He waves hello and goodbye without coaxing - he is our most social child. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face...well, not at bedtime...he has figured out his curfew is wayyyyy earlier than everyone else. He is savvy that way - not much gets by him.
His emerging "skill" is wrestling - he gets up on his knees and lunges at Luke. Then they wrestle - boy style. I actually can't watch their matches without tears in my eyes. From the moment we told the kids I was pregnant they were certain Jonathan was a boy...especially Luke. Oh - he wanted a brother. I feel like this is what Luke has been waiting for all along - a brother to wrestle with...and love more than I ever dreamed.
I haven't written on my blog for quite a while because I feel like God has laid something on my heart that He wants me to write. Unfortunately, it is not an easy message.
When I was pregnant with all four kids I was offered extensive prenatal blood testing...to detect "problems." One of the most common tests offered was a screen for chromosomal abnormalities, specifically Down Syndrome. I never felt the testing would be of any value until my last pregnancy. At the very beginning of my pregnancy, I convinced myself that at age 40 the tests might provide some useful information. Well, the tests provided information. Inconclusive and anxiety-provoking information. At the 11th week of my pregnancy Craig and I knew that our baby had a 1/16 chance of being born with Down Syndrome. I declined the amniocentesis test, which would have given a definite answer, because of the risk that it would cause a miscarriage. So, we waited for 20 more weeks - praying more than we have EVER prayed in our lives and wondering...what if? Doctors, many of them, soberly looked at us and offered the option of abortion.
And that is the big task God has laid on my heart. I was offered an abortion. A chance to end Jonathan's life...a baby that I willingly created...because he might have a medical condition so bad that it warranted his death. As I write these words the absurdity of the advice/options I received and the information I DID NOT makes my chest tighten. The fact that I received this "counseling" in 2010, in a large American city is...devastating.
I think God wants me to write something that will comfort parents given the information I was given. I was not given any information about Down Syndrome. Ever. Never. I was just told soberly that Jonathan could have the condition. Of course, I googled Down Syndrome and found loads of "helpful" information. But, I'll be honest...it was a little scary. Okay, terrifying. I wish there would have been something from a parent or a family member or a doctor that told me...it was going to be alright.
That is my writing assignment. I am trying to write a letter to expectant parents that let them know it will be okay. That, first and foremost, that Down Syndrome does not warrant a death sentence. It is not the most critical or complicated medical condition a person can be born with. (Jonathan's leukemia diagnosis kind-of drove this home for me). Of course, you can detect it easily. And you can't "cure" it either prenatally or postnatally. But, personally, I'm not sure it needs a "cure." Jonathan has challenges that I don't have...he is struggling to find his words...I have never had that problem. He struggles to gain weight...again, not I. But, there is so much more to Jonathan's life and the joy that he brings to our family than his somewhat minor struggles. He is joyful, smart, energetic, fun, silly and adorable. He is like all our children, and all other children...he just has some extra challenges. All of which our manageable either by medications, therapies, schooling, or unconditional love.
I'm not sure this writing alone would have been enough to quiet my heart when I was pregnant with Jonathan. I'm still refining it. My goal: To collect a hundred stories just like mine and place them in doctor's offices and online for moms-to-be and dads-to-be as an alternative source of information. If you have a story, or know someone who does please let me know. I'm sure there is a mom or dad out there right this minute who needs to know that their baby will be okay; that they will feel joy; that Down Syndrome is not the end of the world.
Love, Jill
Happy Fall!
Summer is over and the big lovelies are all in school. Jonathan and I miss them a lot. Fortunately, Jonathan sleeps all afternoon and I still get to clean-up after the messes the school-aged lovelies leave behind. I DO miss them terribly though - I'm not good at change and going from four children to one is quite a change of pace.
Jonathan was a year-and-a-half on September 4th. Unbelievable. He is doing very well - he flies around the house with his push cart, unloads the pantry, scales the stairs, and... plays in the toilet. Ughhh. He plays with his toys - his favorites are a pig with plastic coins, a pull-car, a drum and his maracas. He eats everything and drinks from a cup with a straw. He is learning some sign language and a few words - I am pretty sure he said cracker and bye the other day. He waves hello and goodbye without coaxing - he is our most social child. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face...well, not at bedtime...he has figured out his curfew is wayyyyy earlier than everyone else. He is savvy that way - not much gets by him.
His emerging "skill" is wrestling - he gets up on his knees and lunges at Luke. Then they wrestle - boy style. I actually can't watch their matches without tears in my eyes. From the moment we told the kids I was pregnant they were certain Jonathan was a boy...especially Luke. Oh - he wanted a brother. I feel like this is what Luke has been waiting for all along - a brother to wrestle with...and love more than I ever dreamed.
I haven't written on my blog for quite a while because I feel like God has laid something on my heart that He wants me to write. Unfortunately, it is not an easy message.
When I was pregnant with all four kids I was offered extensive prenatal blood testing...to detect "problems." One of the most common tests offered was a screen for chromosomal abnormalities, specifically Down Syndrome. I never felt the testing would be of any value until my last pregnancy. At the very beginning of my pregnancy, I convinced myself that at age 40 the tests might provide some useful information. Well, the tests provided information. Inconclusive and anxiety-provoking information. At the 11th week of my pregnancy Craig and I knew that our baby had a 1/16 chance of being born with Down Syndrome. I declined the amniocentesis test, which would have given a definite answer, because of the risk that it would cause a miscarriage. So, we waited for 20 more weeks - praying more than we have EVER prayed in our lives and wondering...what if? Doctors, many of them, soberly looked at us and offered the option of abortion.
And that is the big task God has laid on my heart. I was offered an abortion. A chance to end Jonathan's life...a baby that I willingly created...because he might have a medical condition so bad that it warranted his death. As I write these words the absurdity of the advice/options I received and the information I DID NOT makes my chest tighten. The fact that I received this "counseling" in 2010, in a large American city is...devastating.
I think God wants me to write something that will comfort parents given the information I was given. I was not given any information about Down Syndrome. Ever. Never. I was just told soberly that Jonathan could have the condition. Of course, I googled Down Syndrome and found loads of "helpful" information. But, I'll be honest...it was a little scary. Okay, terrifying. I wish there would have been something from a parent or a family member or a doctor that told me...it was going to be alright.
That is my writing assignment. I am trying to write a letter to expectant parents that let them know it will be okay. That, first and foremost, that Down Syndrome does not warrant a death sentence. It is not the most critical or complicated medical condition a person can be born with. (Jonathan's leukemia diagnosis kind-of drove this home for me). Of course, you can detect it easily. And you can't "cure" it either prenatally or postnatally. But, personally, I'm not sure it needs a "cure." Jonathan has challenges that I don't have...he is struggling to find his words...I have never had that problem. He struggles to gain weight...again, not I. But, there is so much more to Jonathan's life and the joy that he brings to our family than his somewhat minor struggles. He is joyful, smart, energetic, fun, silly and adorable. He is like all our children, and all other children...he just has some extra challenges. All of which our manageable either by medications, therapies, schooling, or unconditional love.
I'm not sure this writing alone would have been enough to quiet my heart when I was pregnant with Jonathan. I'm still refining it. My goal: To collect a hundred stories just like mine and place them in doctor's offices and online for moms-to-be and dads-to-be as an alternative source of information. If you have a story, or know someone who does please let me know. I'm sure there is a mom or dad out there right this minute who needs to know that their baby will be okay; that they will feel joy; that Down Syndrome is not the end of the world.
Love, Jill
Sunday, August 1, 2010
My Typical Backyard
Excerpts from Summer 2010
"Mama, Mama the bunnies are fighting! We need another bunny hut from Fleet Farm!" "Craig, you adopted the bunnies - you need to go get another hut. I have four children, I don't want two bloodied bunnies."
Swish, swish, splash. "Does anyone see Jonathan?" No answer. "Oh fella. No! No! You cannot keep playing in the toilet. Yucky. Germs." Ughhhh...
"Luke, let's play Build-a-Bear school." "Okay. Let's decide who the bad kids will be. Super Frog you are bad - you talk in class and you talk about poop." "Luke, now let's take them outside and give them swimming lessons in the pool." "Okay." Splash. Build-a-Bears float...or, I mean, swim.
10 seconds pass. Silence. "Jonathan. Jonathan, where are you?" Whew, not in the toilet. Oh brother. Sprint to the front hall. "Fella, you are going to get really hurt." "Ahhhhhh - giggle - screech!" "You can't climb the staircase by yourself." "Honey, when you are done with the second bunny hut we need another baby gate..."
We are having quite a summer at our house. Our smallish, urban backyard is filled with an embarrassing amount of kid accessories. Our poor neighbors. And now, in addition to the swingset, sandbox, slip-n-slide, splash table, baby pool, balls, soccer net, bikes, scooters, wagon, baby pink car, and 12 X 12 foot above ground pool -we have two large bunny huts. We adopted two bunnies from the humane society - insane only because we have about twenty bunnies hopping between our yard and the neighbor's yard. I'm not telling them about the hut - I hope they aren't reading this. The bunnies were a "reward" for Abigail - she completed her summer vacation study book. Luke and Marie completed their books weeks ago - unaware that live animals were a possibility they went to Build-a-Bear for more students. Craig and Abigail are in charge of the bunnies - I have been quoting the Bible regarding pet care to them all morning. Please pray for the bunnies - named by their previous owner Winnepeg and Zeus.
It really is amazing what you can fit into and 40 by 40 foot backyard. Of course, I am using the word "fit" with a whole lot of liberties. We started acquiring all these fabulous items because we have been home a lot this summer. In previous years we spent a lot of time at pools and beaches...this year we have a nineteen pound anchor fastening us to the backyard. Jonathan. He is so adorable...and getting smarter by the minute. He won't stay home with our wonderful babysitter without pitching an earsplitting fit. We try to leave him at home in the afternoons - when he is napping for the most part - and go the waterpark or lake. Unfortunately, during the least part of his afternoon -when he wakes up around 3 p.m. - he discovers our absence and screams until we return. I am part frustrated by his antics, and part...so proud...and thankful...and blessed. You see, at this time last year I was not sure Jonathan appreciated how vital I was to his happiness. I say it glibbly now, but it really was hard then. I just wan't sure he know I was his mama, and that, therefore, I was the single most important, favorite, special person in his world. He had been in the hospital for the first nine weeks of his life and learned to trust many loving caregivers. Well, it took him awhile, but sometime last winter he began to realize how amazing I am...and Craig, Abigail, Luke and Marie. And now? Well, we can't leave the house without him. So blessed. And, such a cluttered backyard.
Any predictions on how long the bunnies last??? Remember the hamster and princess castle cage? We have kept a betta that can apparently live without food and/or a bowl change for many, many weeks. (Until I remember the animal care section of the Bible and am guilted into caring for this most durable fish.)
Love,
Jill
"Mama, Mama the bunnies are fighting! We need another bunny hut from Fleet Farm!" "Craig, you adopted the bunnies - you need to go get another hut. I have four children, I don't want two bloodied bunnies."
Swish, swish, splash. "Does anyone see Jonathan?" No answer. "Oh fella. No! No! You cannot keep playing in the toilet. Yucky. Germs." Ughhhh...
"Luke, let's play Build-a-Bear school." "Okay. Let's decide who the bad kids will be. Super Frog you are bad - you talk in class and you talk about poop." "Luke, now let's take them outside and give them swimming lessons in the pool." "Okay." Splash. Build-a-Bears float...or, I mean, swim.
10 seconds pass. Silence. "Jonathan. Jonathan, where are you?" Whew, not in the toilet. Oh brother. Sprint to the front hall. "Fella, you are going to get really hurt." "Ahhhhhh - giggle - screech!" "You can't climb the staircase by yourself." "Honey, when you are done with the second bunny hut we need another baby gate..."
We are having quite a summer at our house. Our smallish, urban backyard is filled with an embarrassing amount of kid accessories. Our poor neighbors. And now, in addition to the swingset, sandbox, slip-n-slide, splash table, baby pool, balls, soccer net, bikes, scooters, wagon, baby pink car, and 12 X 12 foot above ground pool -we have two large bunny huts. We adopted two bunnies from the humane society - insane only because we have about twenty bunnies hopping between our yard and the neighbor's yard. I'm not telling them about the hut - I hope they aren't reading this. The bunnies were a "reward" for Abigail - she completed her summer vacation study book. Luke and Marie completed their books weeks ago - unaware that live animals were a possibility they went to Build-a-Bear for more students. Craig and Abigail are in charge of the bunnies - I have been quoting the Bible regarding pet care to them all morning. Please pray for the bunnies - named by their previous owner Winnepeg and Zeus.
It really is amazing what you can fit into and 40 by 40 foot backyard. Of course, I am using the word "fit" with a whole lot of liberties. We started acquiring all these fabulous items because we have been home a lot this summer. In previous years we spent a lot of time at pools and beaches...this year we have a nineteen pound anchor fastening us to the backyard. Jonathan. He is so adorable...and getting smarter by the minute. He won't stay home with our wonderful babysitter without pitching an earsplitting fit. We try to leave him at home in the afternoons - when he is napping for the most part - and go the waterpark or lake. Unfortunately, during the least part of his afternoon -when he wakes up around 3 p.m. - he discovers our absence and screams until we return. I am part frustrated by his antics, and part...so proud...and thankful...and blessed. You see, at this time last year I was not sure Jonathan appreciated how vital I was to his happiness. I say it glibbly now, but it really was hard then. I just wan't sure he know I was his mama, and that, therefore, I was the single most important, favorite, special person in his world. He had been in the hospital for the first nine weeks of his life and learned to trust many loving caregivers. Well, it took him awhile, but sometime last winter he began to realize how amazing I am...and Craig, Abigail, Luke and Marie. And now? Well, we can't leave the house without him. So blessed. And, such a cluttered backyard.
Any predictions on how long the bunnies last??? Remember the hamster and princess castle cage? We have kept a betta that can apparently live without food and/or a bowl change for many, many weeks. (Until I remember the animal care section of the Bible and am guilted into caring for this most durable fish.)
Love,
Jill
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